You knew all along what you were doing.
You knew that a 14-year-old girl was a goner for you. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. You were 17 and way more experienced than I was. The first time we kissed, I was ready to sign my life away as long as you promised to never left me. I should have known how unhealthy that was.
My parents weren’t too keen on their freshman daughter dating a junior. That didn’t stop me. I pictured us as Romeo and Juliet, fighting for our right to be together no matter how crazy it was. My grades plummeted, and I stopped seeing my friends. Nothing mattered but you. We fought like cats and dogs, but I convinced myself this was just part of the dance.
Three months went by, and you grew bored. It ended just as quickly as it began. I wasn’t “your girl” anymore.
That felt like a gunshot to my soul. A year later, you came back into my life almost as soon as I was beginning to feel free of you. It was almost like you knew I was forgetting you and couldn’t let that happen. This time we fought even more than before. When you would call, I would instantly get a stomachache. My friends told me this wasn’t normal, but I didn’t listen.
A few weeks later, you dumped me through a text. I swore this time I thought I would die without you.
After a few rough weeks, I got back up, reconnected with my friends and got back into writing. I had never felt more alive. I felt so much less drained and regained my sense of humor. Becoming my own person was such a sweet taste in my mouth. It was so liberating to not be tainted by your crooked smile and not be constantly wondering what you were doing.
My senior year of high school, you showed up at my door. I tried to turn you away, but then you played your guitar for me, just like old times. All of a sudden, I was that stupid little girl again, under your spell.
I was ashamed to have succumbed, but it didn't take long before you showed your motive. When I refused, you retreated. When I told my friends what happened, they convinced me enough was enough, and it was time to cut you off.
Losing you felt like losing a part of myself.
When I felt ready, I decided to open my heart back up. Soon after, I met a wonderful man who satisfies my wildest dreams. He never gives me any reason to feel like I’m not enough. He values who I am as a person and as a woman. He always puts my comfort first and never lets me go to sleep feeling unloved. He is your total opposite. Sporadically, you creep your way into my dreams. You will always be a part of me, but you will never be all I am. I am not that little girl anymore. I am a woman who knows that no man, no matter how great he may seem, is worth my freedom.
