So, there I was in a bar, venturing to the bathroom alone. Crazy right? I, a female, was doing the impossible and not going to the bathroom with a herd of girlfriends. This should really be put in a history book one day. Truly a monumental moment.
You may wonder (probably not), how I ended up in this situation since 99.9% of the time when a girl says she's "going to the bathroom," at least 80 of her closest female friends immediately follow her.
Well, the reasoning is short. I went to the bar with only my guy friends, who to say the least, are not as enthusiastic about trips to the bathroom. Or at least letting you know where it is.
With wide eyes I set out for my expedition in search of the ladies room. I had never been to this dark, sticky-floored bar, so I was a little lost, but luckily I caught sight of a herd of girls migrating to the restroom. I followed. Not in a creepy way, but in an "I'm about to pee myself, help" kind of way.
There it was, a door to a whole other dimension, aka the girl's bathroom. I hesitantly reached for the door, bracing myself for what I was about to witness.
The first thought that popped into my mind was, "Why the f*ck did I wait so late to go to the bathroom?" I thought this because at this point in the night things tend to get a little out of hand. Mainly our emotions. There are tears everywhere I look and friends trying to comfort each other, and I'm just there, waiting in line, imposing on everyone's little friendship pow-wow.
^ My actually facial expressions walking into the room.
With the drunk, ugly crying (we've all been there), is the cluster of girls at the mirror doing an array of activities from fixing their makeup, taking mirror pics (how is that still a thing?), and the number one thing we gals love to do drunk: hype each other up (even if we don't even know the person)
Making random friends in the bathroom and showering them with confidence is just one of our most traditional past times.
Apart from our drunk-loving side, there is also the drunk-catty side that is brought into the girl bathroom world. It's usually just gossip about guys. If I got a nickel every time I heard a drunk girl slurring her words and saying something about a guy named "Braaaaaad," I would not be going to these kinds of bars.
While in there alone I was trying my absolute hardest to get out of there as quickly as possible. Which turns out is impossible because there are more girls in the bathroom than the actual bar, and they all move hella slow. Drunk girls are actual sloths.
But after what felt like a lifetime, I was washing my hands and about to run for the door. But before leaving, of course, I couldn't help but wonder why literally 3 of the 4 sinks were on full blast and the fourth had some unidentifiable liquid pouring out of it??? We are better than this, ladies!! Even if the vodka is telling you otherwise.
So, I turned the sinks off, walked out of the bathroom, and rejoined my friends, and that is how I survived going to the girls' bathroom in a bar, alone.
