In case you couldn't tell by Walmart throwing out the Christmas decorations and every white guy making fun of girls for liking PSL, it is officially Fall. Cue the sweaters, pumpkins, and scarves. Or if you live in Florida like me, you can start using slightly less sunscreen. One thing that inevitably comes with the fall season is dating season. Who doesn't love the idea of snuggling up next to a fire or taking obviously forced photos while holding a pumpkin? As a professional single person, 20 years and counting, I am here to provide you with a list of tips, tricks, and pros for a single person in the autumn dating season.
1. You already have your answer down and rehearsed for the boyfriend question at Thanksgiving.
As soon as your aunt asks, "Any men in your life?' with that stupid smirk, you automatically know to say no! No hassles and worries of introducing your family to a guy. Also, that's more pie for you, and you can squirt the whipped cream bottle straight into your mouth without worrying about being dumped afterward due to secondhand embarrassment.
2. There's no worrying about extra body heat on top of the sweater you really shouldn't be wearing.
As soon as it gets below 80 degrees in south Florida, we are convinced sweaters are acceptable. We force ourselves to believe it is a great idea. And once you put the sweater on, sweat starts pouring on top of your sweat that was already there. But just think... If you had a boyfriend, that would be a third layer of heat from cuddles. Ew.
3. Take full freaking advantage of all the fall food.
I'm not saying don't be yourself around a boyfriend, but we all know there is a natural fear of eating like we usually do around a guy we just started seeing. Although, no boyfriend means no problem. Grab that third scoop of green bean casserole and the extra yeast roll at Thanksgiving dinner. Stuff your face full of deviled eggs until you can't see straight. Then untie those tight sweatpants and chill.
4. Forget the stress of a couple costume.
He wants to go as a football player and cheerleader but you want to be a nurse and doctor. Without a boyfriend, you can be anything without worry. Be that sexy cat. Be a hot felon. Be naked. Snort pumpkin spice and cinnamon. Who cares?
5. You don't have to worry about choking someone to simply take a pumpkin patch picture.
If there's one thing guys don't like, it's being forced into multitudes of pictures for the Gram.
"Babe, you are holding the pumpkin wrong."
"No, not like that either."
"Oh my god. Give me the pumpkin."
"Where are you going? We have to take one without the pumpkin now."
6. Forget about trying to explain why you sweat so profusely during scary movies.
I don't know about you, but my sweat glands kick it into high gear when watching Halloween movies. The pillow I am usually tearing apart from fear becomes sopping wet in the matter of minutes, and my friends usually ask me to leave the room because of the constant screaming. If you don't have someone to hold onto during those frightful moments, you have no one to apologize to.
7. Your photography and third-wheeling skills rapidly increase.
Fall is full of being taken along on dates. You get the absolute honor of holding the phone and taking "candid" pictures of all your favorite couples holding hands in the haunted house. In a matter of hours, you will have become Tumblr photographer level of awkward, aesthetic couple photos.
