Vicki Harrison said it best with this quote. Like the ocean, grief is unpredictable, ever-changing, and vast. Those experiencing grief are stricken for life by the waves, and when it comes down to it, sinking or swimming are our only options. However, most of the time, it feels like a mixture of the two.
Grief is an emotion we cannot understand until we are forced into it. It is not easy, nor is it pretty or kind. Grief can turn us into the ugliest versions of ourselves.
From the outside looking in, it is easy to assume how someone is handling their grief, and it is often easy for us to pinpoint who is handling it well, and who is not.
From the inside looking out, I urge you to understand something. There is no correct way to grieve. Some people show it externally, while some hide it internally. It is so easy to judge by what you “think” you would do, but I promise you that this grief is not something you can plan for. Everyone does it differently, and I urge you to respect that.
Some people stay so busy, they don’t have time to think about it. Then when they go home at the end of their long day, they are forced to deal with the pain. Some people cannot speak a loved one’s name without bursting into tears. Some people are numb to the pain. Some people need to frequent the cemetery to visit them in their final resting place, and some people feel them in the places they lived while their souls inhabited their bodies.
And for most people, it is different depending on the day.
You’ll never understand until the smell of their cologne knocks you to your knees or a song on the radio forces you to pull over to the side of the road.
I pray you do not have to withstand tragedy to get firsthand knowledge, but it is inevitable we will experience death and grief at some point in our lives.
I ask you to hold the hand of your loved one, friend, coworker, and even if you don’t understand, support them. Support the way they deal with the pain. A lot of times simply getting out of bed and going about the day is a triumph in itself, and it does not mean that they are “fine.”
That empty hole in their hearts will forever feel heavy in their chest, but the grieving somehow learn to live around it. Be there for them as they figure it out.
There will be days when they are not lovable, and I urge you to love them anyway. Pain changes people, and it is important they know you’re in their corner.
Love the grieving, and stand beside them through their journey.
