how to support victims of domestic abuse

​Instead Of Blaming Victims Of Domestic Violence, Make A Difference In Your Community​

Create clubs at schools, work with local universities, set up seminars and marches. Start fundraisers and donate to organizations supporting this cause.


When a child is young we teach them to stand up for themselves if they are bullied. We teach them to tell the bully that we don't appreciate how we are treated, or if it gets bad to tell a parent or teacher. Our heart breaks when we see little children bullied.

According to a study, 49% of children between grades 4 and 12 have been bullied. About 71% of people have witnessed someone getting bullied at their school.

Bullying doesn't stop as a child passes school. It gets nastier as we get older. Bullies learn more ways and more styles to bully. There is cyberbullying, physical bullying, sexual bullying, prejudicial bullying, relational bullying, the list goes on. It should be easy for the victims to reach out and get the help and support they need. But as a person is older, it gets harder and harder for them to escape the vicious cycle of abuse. One of the most prevalent and disturbing forms of bullying an adult faces is Domestic Abuse. Domestic Abuse/Violence doesn't just mean physical abuse but also includes emotional and psychological manipulation and abuse.

Once someone becomes a victim of Domestic Abuse it becomes almost impossible to come out of it. And as bad as it is to be a victim, it is even harder for victims who are also immigrants to this country.

Most women who move to the United States from South Asia come on an H-4 Visa. This means that her stay in the US is dependent upon her husband's. If any crime is committed by the husband he is to be deported back to his home country, which means that the wife too would be deported. This is one of the primary reasons that an immigrant domestic abuse victim does not report the crime, ultimately contributing to the 70% of domestic abuse cases that go unreported.

There is very little support for these women because not only would reporting domestic abuse risk them getting sent back to their home country, they may also lose their child. Social standards, especially in the South Asian culture, makes reporting domestic abuse harder for these women.

There is the negative preconception that women who were in abusive relationships "asked for it" by continuing to stay in the relationship despite early signs of abuse. It is easy to assume that but it is so much more complicated for the woman in the relationship. The relationship is all the woman knows. It is so much more complicated when there is a child involved and the woman is in a new country totally dependent upon the husband to help her. For most South Asian women this is all they know. The culture feeds them that men power and allows the women to be inferior. That's fundamentally wrong. If they divorce their husband they are looked down upon.

To make matters worse, there is a huge language barrier for these women. Many immigrants can't speak or understand proper English and so when they call the police they don't understand what the victim is saying, often mistakenly assuming that they are the criminal and arresting them. More often than not, reporting the case backfires on the victim and she faces negative repercussions. It is a vicious cycle which once a woman is so trapped in, there is almost no way out.

But we, the community, the survivors, can help these women. We can make a difference. We can help support these women when they are in dire need of it. We have to stop putting the blame on the women and fight for them. We have to show that we are accepting of the women and change the incorrect preconceptions we have of domestic abuse victims. In today's day and age, it is not at all hard to start a movement. Share this article, share facts with people. Create clubs at schools, work with local universities, set up seminars and marches. Start fundraisers and donate to organizations supporting this cause.

In Britain, there is already laws that provide a cushion to the victim so he or she can report the crime without the fear of facing the negative repercussions. The U.S. needs this too. We need to push legislators to do something to allow these immigrant domestic abuse victims to report the cases without fear of the personal consequences. Our victims are worth fighting for. Fight for them.

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it


Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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My Mom Is My Biggest Weakness In The Best Way Possible

Although my mom is still my parent, she's also a friend.


My parents are everything to me. They raised me to be independent, strong, smart, and hard working. They made sure to keep me in line, to ensure that I would be respectful and responsible. They raised me to be prepared for the world before I graduated high school. For everything they've done, I'm very grateful.

Focusing on my mom more specifically, she is my weakness. By that I mean, I can go to her with anything and I know she's willing to listen, to be open, and she won't impart judgment.

My mom always knows how to calm me down, but she is the one person who can also make me cry harder. I don't mean this in a bad way. It's just that whenever I've had a tough day or my anxiety has been heightened by some ordeal, I know that if I see my mom or if I even call her over the phone, the waterworks come flooding. I don't know what it is about my mom that makes me feel so emotional, so vulnerable. Each time I go to her, it's almost as if I'm a kid again, crawling into her mother's arms, seeking a nurturing soul to tell me that everything will be okay.

Sometimes I even avoid calling my mom when I'm in a rut because I refuse to cry or feel weak. For instance, if I had a problem, I'd avoid talking to her about it. If a week goes by, I'll update her on my problems, and begin crying about it (even though I was already over it beforehand). My mom can bring out anything from me. She laughs when I tell her this because she knows that no matter how old her baby girl gets, she'll always need her mama.

I think as I've gotten older, I've realized how much more my parents mean to me. As a kid, I always felt like they were against me. I felt as if they didn't want me to do anything and didn't want me to grow. As an adult, I realize it's the exact opposite. My parents have always wanted what's best for me, and because I've grown to understand this, I feel so much closer to them.

I feel as though now, although my mom is still my parent, she's also a friend. She's someone I can go to when I feel down, someone I can go to for a good laugh. She's so much better than me in so many ways. She's outgoing, loud, obnoxious, smart, and is always seeing the good in situations. When I talk about my mom to other people, they're always so interested in meeting with her or talking with her. When they finally get the chance to, they're instantly drawn to her character. They're drawn to her laughter. I kid you not, my mom can light up a room in seconds. She is always the life of the party. It sometimes makes me jealous when people find out how amazing my mother is because I swear they'd rather be friends with her than me.

What people don't see is her struggles. They don't see the pain she goes through with her ongoing injury. They don't see that not only does it take a physical toll, but also an emotional toll. She hides it really well because that's what parents are "supposed to do." My mom is the strongest person I know and to see the two contrasts of her is astonishing. To think that someone so full of life can also battle personal struggles, it's hard to see, especially because she's my mom and all I want is the best for her. One part of my mom struggles while the other part of her is so vibrant, so full of life, so sassy.

I don't know how she's put up with all of the hardships in her life. I've never seen someone work so hard and refuse to fail. She refuses to be taken advantage of. I've never seen someone as amazing as my mother. She can do anything.

I think my mom looks down on herself sometimes. I think, like any woman, she sees imperfections. What I don't think she sees, that I wish she would, is the tenacity she has. I want her to see herself the way I do: beautiful, strong, courageous, sassy, outgoing. I could go on and on about how much my mom inspires me and how she's made me appreciate her in more ways than one.

Mom, thank you for all that you do and all that you are. I hope you know how much Rachel, Vanessa and I all love you. I hope you know that no matter what struggles we go through, you are our rock. You hold the fort down and you're always there to make sure we're good, even when you aren't yourself. Thank you for always thinking of us, for believing in us, and for never turning your back. I love you more than you know.

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