Even In Your Darkest Moments, You Have To Open Your Eyes To See The Sunshine Around You

Even In Your Darkest Moments, You Have To Open Your Eyes To See The Sunshine Around You

Putting your happiness above all else is the first step.

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Pure bliss. Genuine happiness. True joy.

These are some of the things that everyone everywhere wants to find and keep with them forever. Unfortunately, in this crazy world of ours, it is almost impossible to do this.

A lot of people have a hard time finding their happiness in their lives. And then there are the people who have a hard time keeping their happiness, and many times, lose it all.

I want to start this whole thing off by saying one thing, we will go through what we may believe are some of the darkest and most hopeless moments of our lives. We are going to feel absolutely alone and tell ourselves that there is no way this will ever get better.

Well, to be completely blunt... YOU'RE WRONG!

Instead of talking about the different kinds of things that messed with our heads in the first place, making us believe that we can't do this, or that we can't do that, lets start with all the things that we can do and should do when something or someone causes us to temporarily get lost in our own dark and endless thoughts.

Loneliness isn't real.

Call me crazy, but I stick to what I believe in, and I believe that loneliness is not a real thing.

I say this to you because for my entire life, I was terrified of being alone. I have always been the type of person who needed someone either talking to me or with me at all times because I was so afraid of what other people thought of me. I didn't want to be that girl who was seen with no friends.

I was so caught up in this twisted thought of mine, that I forgot who I was. And what is the most devastating part of all of this, I was losing my relationship with God.

You have to make yourself happy before you can be happy with anyone or anything else.

This is one of the most important things I have learned from being stuck in the darkness I created for myself. You may think to yourself that you already are happy with yourself, I know this because I thought the same thing, but you are ignoring the fact that you have just been putting on a fake smile this whole time.

Do not put all your hope into one person or one specific thing. We need to take into consideration all the beautiful things, people, and opportunities that God put on this earth for us. There are millions of different people and things that were made for us to explore, and it would be a waste if we didn't take the time to recognize them.

Happiness is the greatest thing that one can experience, but it can also be one of the hardest things for a person to actually grasp and put to use in everyday things and people. Having the right mindset and giving ourselves goals to achieve every day is the first step towards finding happiness.

Some days will be worse than others, and these are the days that we will prove to ourselves how strong we really are. You may have to look yourself in the mirror sometimes and actually talk yourself up. Tell yourself how strong, beautiful, and awesome of a person you are, inside and out.

Never. Give. Up.

No journey we take is ever easy. The challenges and obstacles we face are what turn us into the person we are today. You are never alone, remember that. Loneliness is not real. You are surrounded by so many people who love and care for you. When you start to think that no one cares about you, find all those people who think you are amazing and who would do anything for you. You might even be surprised by what you find.

The going will get tough, and you will want to give up, but you were made for this. Keep pushing forward because soon you will figure out that nothing and no one can stop you. You are so close. We are all rooting for you.

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What Losing Someone To Suicide Really Feels Like.

In Loving Memory of Andrew Allen Boykin (1997-2015)

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A word that describes what it feels like to lose someone to suicide? That doesn't exist. It's actually a whole jumbled up pool of emotions. Almost unbearable comes to mind, but that still doesn't quite cover it. You never think it'll happen to someone you know, much less a family member.

Let me start off by telling you about my experience. I was up late one night studying for a big nursing test I had the next morning. My phone started ringing, and I automatically assumed it was my boyfriend who knew I would still be up at midnight. It wasn't, though. It was my mother, who usually goes to bed before 10 every night. I knew something bad had happened.

"Mama, what's wrong?" I could hear her crying already. "Baby, Andrew shot himself," my mother then told me. I flooded her with questions. Where? Is he okay? Why was he playing around with a gun this late? What happened? She then said, "No, baby, he killed himself."

Disbelief

Disbelief was my first reaction. No, that couldn't be true. Not my Andrew. Not my 17-year-old, crazy, silly, cousin Andrew. Not the kid who eats sour Skittles while we walk through Walmart and then throws away the pack before we get to the register. Not the kid who, while we all lay in the floor in Grandma's living room, is constantly cracking jokes and telling us stories about how he's a real ladies' man. This can't be real. I'm gonna go home and it is all just gonna be a mix-up.

Confusion

It wasn't, though. I sat in the home of my grandparents, with the rest of my family, confused. We tried to go over what could have caused him to do it. Was it a girl? Did we do something wrong? He acted normal. Nothing seemed off, but I guess nobody will ever truly know.

Anger

For a minute there I was mad. How could he do this? Did he not know what this would do to everyone? So many people loved him. I just couldn't understand, but I wasn't Andrew. How could I understand?

Regret

Regret was my next feeling. Why didn't I do more? What could I have done? How did I not notice he was hurting so bad? There wasn't anyone who knew, though. For the longest time, I told myself that I should have texted him more or just made sure he knew I loved him. In the end, I always realize that there wasn't anything I could have done and that he knew I loved him.

Pain

The funeral was almost insufferable. A church filled with people who loved Andrew. People that would never get to see him or hear his laugh again. The casket was closed and the whole time all I could think about was how I just wanted to hold his hand one last time. My brother, who spent almost every weekend with Andrew since they were little, didn't even want to go inside. They were only a year and a half apart. At one point he just fell to the ground in tears. This kind of pain is the heart-breaking kind. The pain of picking a 15-year-old off the ground when he hurts so bad he can't even go on anymore.


Heartache

This led to heartache. I thought so much about how his life was way too short. He would never get to graduate high school or go to college. He would never get his first grown-up job. He'd never get married or have children. Dwelling on these thoughts did some major damage to my heart. We missed him. We wanted him back, but we could never go back to how things were.

Numbness

For a while after, I could honestly say I was numb. It had hurt so much I think my body shut down for a little while. That disbelief would pop up again and I would forget it was real. I'd try to block out the reminders but that doesn't really work. Every time I see sour Skittles I think about him, or wear this certain pair of earrings he'd always try to get me to give him.

Longing

This past week marked a whole year since he passed away. What am I feeling now? Still all of these things plus a little more. Longing is a good word. I miss him every day and wish so much that he was still here with us. I'll see little reminders of him and smile or laugh. We had so many good memories, and I could never forget those or him. That's what I cling to now. That was my Andrew.


In Loving Memory of Andrew Allen Boykin (1997-2015)

"If love could have saved you, you would have lived forever."


If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline — 1-800-273-8255

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9 Ways For College Girls To Destress

Sit back and relax sister.

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We could all blow off a little steam no matter what age, but sometimes college just seems so fast paced and crowded we get lost in the stress and quickness of class on top of class and some students even hold jobs on top of that. So to all the super stressed gals out there, here are a few tips on how to take a few minutes out of your day to have some time to yourself!

1. Have a spa night

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Buy some face masks and invite some friends over or even turn on your favorite movie and have a spa night to yourself!

2. Go on a drive

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Turn on your favorite playlist and just drive around your town or even a mini road trip! Long drives really relax a lot of people.

3. Cry

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Yes, I know that sounds like a joke but sometimes all you need is a good cry so turn on your sad music playlist (I know you have one, everyone has one) or your favorite tear jerking movie and let the tears flow girl!

4. Laugh

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On a happier note... crying isn't for everyone! I, for one, am not an emotional person so humor is more my style. Go see a funny movie, hang out with your friends, or watch a comedy show! Anything to get you laughing!

5. Go to the gym

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This one is good for you mentally and physically! A lot of people say the gym is their favorite place simply because its where they can blow off all of their steam. Try it! If you like it, it's a great new hobby to have!

6. Try a new hobby

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Try something to get your mind off of whatever is stressing you out! It could be painting, writing, singing, or dancing! Whatever you want to give a shot at doing, go for it!

7. Go online shopping

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I only recommend this one if you have money to spend. If you have no self control (like myself) then this one can get you into some trouble! Shop wisely people! But don't forget to treat your self every now and then!

8.Try out a new sport

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A lot of colleges have intramural teams you can join of almost any sport you can think of! Try one out to take your mind off whatever is causing you stress!

9. Take a nap

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I know this seems kind of self explanatory but a lot of times we forget that sleep is kind of a thing that we need to survive. So if your stress is causing you to lose sleep, or your staying up late working on classwork, then take a nap!

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