Depression effects about one in eight adolescents. This means you probably know a handful of people suffering from depression, whether it be diagnosed or not. A handful of people, that may find it hard to get up in the morning, hard to look in the mirror at something they hate everyday, or hard to smile because they don’t think they deserve happiness. And while you may not notice, almost all of them are silently screaming for help.
No one wants to be depressed. No one wants to live a life in which they feel as though the next day or even minute is not worth living. Yet everyday, they continue on. Silent and in pain, but strong. Some, are brave enough to verbally ask for help, others may be lucky enough for someone to notice without having to say anything.
This is to the person that cannot ask for help, that does not see themselves worthy of help. From a person, that was once in that very same boat. My junior year of high school was the worst year of my life. I tried to smile through it, but as I saw my close friends suffering as well, I found myself not worthy of happiness. I looked in the mirror every day and was disgusted by what I saw. I called myself fat, ugly, stupid, a failure, and everything in between. Yet, I told myself and those around me aIl was fine, I told myself not to worry those around me by telling them my problems. I did this because “they needed me to be strong,” I told myself to just get through the day and I could sleep and not have to think. My reward was sleeping. My grades slipped, I stopped smiling or laughing and yet it still felt like no one noticed. No one saw me cry myself to sleep or in the hallway, no one heard the things I told myself, and I began to think no one cared. It got so bad that every moment of the day, my thoughts were pervaded by monstrous ideas on how to end my own life. I wanted to go through with it more than anything but the day I had planned to do it, a friend of mine made me get coffee with her. She had no idea what I had planned to do but we ended up talking through the time I had planned to do it. I had never felt so much relief in my entire life. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to leave my family and friends behind.
To anyone who feels like I once did,
Know that you are not alone. As many times a day as you may tell yourself that you are, you are not. People care about you. People love you, and if you cannot think of a person that does, I do. I love you and I do not want to be on a planet that does not have you living on it. In a time where many of us may feel victimized by the group of people represented by the new President Elect, remember that the hard times will always pass. I never thought they would, but they did for me, and they will for you. Love always wins.
To anyone that may call themselves fat or too skinny, too tall or too short, ugly or unworthy,
I am here right now telling you that you are none of those things. You are beautiful, you are intelligent, you are the perfect you, and the best thing about that, is there is no one else that does that better than you. You are the perfect you. If you feel as though you are yelling for help and everyone seems to fall deaf to you, I urge you to shout louder, get out of bed, go to school, ask for help. Keep fighting. You are strong and I believe you will win. It’s time you do too.
Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255
