Here in the Pacific Northwest, we consider the dog days both a blessing and a curse. Even though us rain-loving Oregonians seem to crave summer when it’s nasty outside, once it actually arrives, we realize that we can’t take the heat (pun intended), and are ready for our fluffy clouds and nourishing rain again. Despite our love of the cold, summer still seems to have an effect on us that makes us forget the bad stuff about it when it isn’t here. We dream of the barbecues, camping trips, and beach days, but the reality is that they are often times actually plagued by mosquito bites, scalding leather car seats, and one-too-many pop country song releases about pickup trucks and bonfires.

I forgot about another negative trait about summer until the other day, when I looked at myself in the mirror after a long day at work. The humidity had caused my natural curls to go straight to frizz mode, I was sweating like crazy, and my foundation no longer matched the skin on the rest of my bod, because my 20 minutes in the sun had turned me two shades darker. As I looked in the mirror, my self esteem tanked. Here she was, right on time—the old summer insecurity.

Ladies, I know we’ve all experienced at least a little bit of this. I’m sure you’ve heard the dialogue—“I’m sweating off all my makeup, I end up looking like a man by noon.” “Can we not go swimming? I’m, like, super pale.” “Seriously though, I need to shave off this gut before anybody sees me in a bikini.” Every little thing about our appearance seems to become an issue when it comes time to start wearing less and enjoying more. Even though we should be living it up, it seems like all of these pressures to look pristine and pool-ready all summer are actually taking away from the enjoyment of the season.

Think about it—all of the extra time in front of the mirror in the morning trying to get your nose to stay powdered. All of the time you’ve spent searching for the perfect swimsuits, which hides your stretch marks and “flaws”. And what’s more, think about the prep work—all of the minutes in a tanning bed, all of the slices of pizza you’ve said no to, and all of the comparing (and sometimes even body shaming) you've done to force yourself to work out more. We’ve all been there.

But, why do we allow this to happen? Where does it all come from? Why does it have to be this way?

Well, unfortunately, the fact is that this isn’t just a summer problem. Women are held to high beauty standards year round, and are criticized if they don’t meet them. Women are chastised if they don’t wear makeup, but we are also judged if they do (and if some deem it “too much”). If they are “bony” or “fat,” there will be unwarranted comments. Women are even criticized when we do something to change our appearance to fix these so called “problems,” because apparently women should just naturally look just “perfect” all the time. Unfortunately, though we seem to experience the majority of it, this isn’t a problem for just women—men experience their fair share of body and appearance-shaming as well (Seriously, brothers, we feel for you.).

With our increasing social media intake, these standards and body image issues are reaching new heights. We are constantly bombarded by ads filled with retouched images of gorgeous (and unreal) people, and based on what we see, we create this ideal image in our heads of what we should look like. I’ve experienced this as well; I tend to go into a lesser form of crisis mode whenever I’m tagged in an unflattering picture on Facebook. I think, Oh no, this is NOT good. Are those satellite disks supposed to be your ears. Call BP, if we collect the oil on your face and sell to pay off your college tuition. My nose looks huge, my eyebrows are crooked, I am too pale, my hair is a mess. Do I always look like this? Am I just being hard on myself, or is this appearance really my lot in life?

When my insecurities bubble up, I’m reminded of when I was 12 years old and deep in the thick of my awkward phase. I was constantly down on myself, and so self-conscious about my appearance—I didn’t know much about makeup, fashion, or being “cool.” I was so insecure that I remember literally (and melodramatically) praying that God “would make me pretty one day.”

When I finally opened up about my insecurities to my father (one of my greatest confidants), he gave me some advice that is so Classic Dad. He told me to get up in the morning, confront myself in the mirror—matted hair, puffy eyes and all—and say, “hot dang, I’m good lookin’.” Yes, this is an actual quote from my father (he will enthusiastically confirm). I have never actually taken the advice literally (okay, maybe I have, once or twice), but I’ve come to understand his point. The ridiculous tradition is really about recognizing your worth, and loving yourself in all forms. Because when it comes down to it, who cares about a little frizz and sweat and a few gross pictures? Down with our society’s obsession with image—it’s all meaningless in the scheme of things.

I’m thankful that I have a father who taught me how to love myself, and I’m also pretty thrilled that we’re even starting to see pop culture promote self-love as well (Go dad, you’re a trendsetter.). For example, the company Aerie has an anti-photoshop policy. Models with healthy body types are becoming more of the norm.

We’re even seeing messages of self-love appear in music. I never thought I would ever make this comparison, but my dad seems to have a thing or two in common with the almighty Beyonce—they both have similar opinions when it comes to beauty. When Queen B declared “I WOKE UP LIKE THIS,” she wasn’t talking about her Flawless locks and makeup (well, maybe partly she was, because she is art in all ways). Her true message was that despite her appearance, she woke up worthy of happiness, and a good life that you feel free to enjoy.

I assure you, Beyonce probably wakes up with her hair in a mess, probably some smeared mascara from her performance the night before, maybe even a little drool caked to her face. But even with all of that, she’s still the Queen. Get the picture? The truth is, your masterpiece has nothing to do with your hair or lashes or contour or your cheekbone highlight (Even though those things are truly delightful to see. Seriously, slay on.). It’s been said time and time again, but it’s a truth that we need to keep reminding ourselves of—your masterpiece has everything to do with your heart and soul, and nothing to do with the bod you’re in. And the physical characteristics that make you unique, own them. Work them every day.

Let this be an encouragement to try your hardest to not allow pressure and standards and expectations affect the way you love and enjoy yourself, both this summer, and in life. I’ll promise try to do the same—I know it isn’t easy, but it’s necessary for happiness. I still have so many insecurities—have a small mouth, a big nose, ears that stick out, and a lazy eye. Sometimes I clean up pretty well, but I’m no Kendall Jenner. But despite the flaws, and sweat, and awkward tan lines, I’m still “good lookin’.” And I promise, no matter what you choose to see in the mirror, you are too.