While summer doesn't officially end until September 21st, people traditionally see Labor Day as the last hoorah of the season. It's the last three-day weekend (for people who work state jobs or go to school). It's the last day to get wasted and set off the leftover fireworks from July with reckless abandon, and then decide you're okay to drive yourself home as the firefighters extinguish your friend's beloved juniper bush. Kids are whining about going back to school, because getting an education is so horrible and not a privilege at all. Everyone's getting ready to hunker down and make it through those dreadful nine months until it's summer again.
And I'm right there with them. Summer is just the greatest season ever invented. And here are just a few things I'm going to miss about summer until it comes back our way next year!
Who doesn't love taking a dip into what equates to a public toilet to cool off from that lovely blistering summer sun? I don't care that the guy swimming past me just pissed himself, because the not-at-all poisonous chlorine takes care of any problems!
Yeah, I'll really miss basically bathing with strangers.
And I know, I know, I could just get a rec center membership and use an indoor pool through the non-summer months, but indoor pools don't have the added benefit of getting that great looking, epidermis-destroying tan!
Which brings me to the next thing I'll miss...
I've worked so hard all summer on getting this tan! And I know sunburns are supposedly "bad for you," but nothing gets me tan quicker than burning the shit out of my skin and waiting until the fried, blistered, dead pieces peels back to reveal that beautiful summer glow!
And I'm really sick of my doctor telling me that no tan is a good tan. I'm young, and I look great! Wrinkles and cancer? Those are things only old people need to worry about.
I guess I can always just use tanning beds to maintain my beautiful orange-hued skin. They're definitely safer than the actual sun, anyway! I guess I'll just put up with it.
I don't like that it's unacceptable to use air conditioning once summer is over. I'll have to breathe in air that hasn't been artificially cooled and contaminated with microorganisms that exacerbate my asthma while indoors, and I won't get to have the refreshing breeze that equates to being blasted in the face by a furnace constructed by Satan when I'm outdoors.
Air conditioning is literally the best! It makes it almost feel like it's not summer, and is the best part about summer!
And who doesn't love the fact that air conditioning is contributing to climate change? Think of it this way: If the earth continues to warm up, pretty soon it will always feel like summer!
I guess I'll just have to occasionally blast canned air in my face for nostalgia's sake until next summer rolls around!
Finding New Things To Complain About
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What am I going to complain about when summer is over and I can't bitch incessantly about how hot it is after having spent the prior nine months insisting summer was my favorite?
I guess I can complain about the rain/sleet/snow that's bound to head my way. I can complain that my scarf is itchy. I can complain that my ugg boots aren't waterproof. I can complain about how there's too much water in my pumpkin spice latte.
Actually, there are a lot of things I can complain about! Yay!
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With fall comes cooler weather and my clothes will actually be comfortable when they're not sticking to my skin with sweat, which means I'll be able to wear more than just underwear from my gigantic and expensive wardrobe. This is bullshit!
So anyway, summer is ending, and my reason for living is shrinking along with it's departure.
Share what you'll miss about the summer in the comments below!