Advice On Summer Flings
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relationships

Just The Tips: Summer Fling Edition

Weekly relationship column hosted by college experts Angie and Cass, answering questions sent in by you.

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1. Are summer flings worth it?

Angie: Know what you're looking for! A fling is by definition something fast and short—so if you're not secretly hoping that your summer hookup will blossom into a longer romantic relationship, then sure—knock yourself out, mess around, have fun! Make sure you're not signing your summer partner up for something they're not signing up for, though. If your goal is romance and their goal is sex (or vice versa), your "fling" is going to be doomed from the start.

Cass: Like Angie said, summer flings are really only good if you're looking for something fast and thrilling—that's what a fling normally is. However, if you're looking for more than a fling and more of a summer romance, communicate that with your partner that you're interested in seeing where things go once the summer is done. Just make sure you're on the same page as your partner to get the most out of a summer relationship.

2. How do you politely refuse a request (sexual or otherwise)?

A: Gauge the situation—is the person asking you the kind of person who would accept a direct "no, thanks"? If not, sometimes it's easiest to just lie. Say you're already in a relationship, aren't looking for anything right now, can't because you have some other plans, etc. Make sure you feel safe and have a friend on hand just in case you need backup or an exit from the situation!

C: As Angie said, you can try to let them down gently, however sometimes you have to be firm and tell them that no means no. People need to respect each other's boundaries when it comes to asking them to do things. If this person who is requesting something of you really respects you as a person and considers you a friend they're going to understand your refusal regardless of how it is done. But if you're stuck on being polite, just tell them that you have plans or you're in a relationship like Angie said. One tip though, if you're going to use a friend in your lie, make sure you loop them into what's going on so they know to have your back.

3. Should you do other things with the person than just hooking up? Going out and doing fun stuff, etc.?

C: Only if both of you want to, if both people don't want to see each other outside the context of just hooking up then there's no reason to push any boundaries. However, if you do want more of a relationship experience rather than a hookup experience, make sure to be clear with your partner about your expectations from them.

A: I think it's worth trying to do some new things! If you have a partner who you've hooked up with a few times, then you know you get along in bed, but that doesn't leave a lot of room for really getting to know each other. If you go out with your partner, even if it's just to lunch or a bar and still ends with what you usually meet up to do, you'll discover new things about each other and it might open doors and give you the option to expand your relationship.

Do you have a question about relationships? Is there something you've always wanted to know but are a little embarrassed to ask? We're always ready to answer—follow this link to send us your questions!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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