There's this girl I know. She's really pretty and is the nicest person you would ever meet. She's always happy and smiles all the time. She dyes her hair almost twice a year despite the fact she gets chemical damage every time her curls come into contact with bleach. She's college -bound, Division One to be exact.
She wants to be a lawyer or probably on CNN arguing about how Republicans have ruined the country. She loves to eat and sleep. She loves trap music and ninety's R&B; with the occasional pop on the side. She seems to have her head on right and has goals set for herself.
This girl I know has been hurt. Hurt a little too many times by friends, family, and of course boys.
She's been going through it the for the past eight years. She has dealt with bullying, death, and abuse. She tried to go to her family for help but was always told "just get over it" or "you'll be fine" or "nothing is wrong with you". This led to her closing herself off when family would come around. She couldn't tell them how she was feeling because she was afraid of this response she would get.
In school, she seemed so happy. She may have cried when her boyfriend did something to her but she was always smiling and laughing. At home, she cried and deserted herself in her room. She has low self-esteem and low confidence. She often looks at herself and thinks how everything is her fault.
She wishes she could have a better life away from all the tears and pain. She often plotted to kill herself but couldn't because she had to live for her siblings. She had to show them that despite all the obstacles she faces she is better than her mother, her aunt, her grandmother, her stepmother, her father, and everybody else.
She is not OKAY. She may say she is but she is NOT.
Who is She?
Well, she is me. She is whoever is reading this. She is the person who is trying to grow but can't because she is not in the place where she wants to be in life.
To the reader; if you feel as though the world isn't on your side, it is. You just have to find the real you and live your best life. Work on being the better you and show everyone who has tore you down that you're the baddest jawn (or bull .. if you're a boy) out here.
Here's the National Suicide Prevention Line
As well as the National Domestic Violence Line
Please seek help if you feel the same way I do. Find a teacher, friend, therapist, ANYONE. There are people who care. You just have to search for them.
Much Love, Syanne.