I think from time to time we all feel it.

When your heart hurts so badly, and your insecurity levels have risen, and all emotions seem to be at their peak.

It's not that life sucks necessarily, it's just that you're done.

You just want to disappear, stop time, and be gone.

To go to sleep, and never wake up.

That's how I feel sometimes, so I wrote it out.

Every emotion, every feeling, insecurity, and pain.

Every reason I want to disappear.

I want to die because I feel irrelevant.

I feel like all my dreams, my hopes, and my plans for my life are far too high for a girl like me. It was silly of me to think I could accomplish any of them.

I'm not as smart or qualified as I sometimes think I am.

I want to die because I'm not a good friend.

I feel incapable of showing real love.

Sometimes I think I have a sign on my head that says, "use me," "walk all over me," "and talk about me behind my back."

I feel as if I'm the perfect candidate for someone to dislike, or not take seriously.

And I can't seem to be able to change the writing.

I hate the judgment I feel from people at work, I hate the judgment I feel from Christians and non-Christians.

I can't live up to people's expectations, and it sucks.

I feel as though I'm "too deep," and "too much," for people and I don't know how to just "fit in."

I want to die because I don't want to see the look of disappointment on my dad's face anymore, I don't want to see my mom ashamed of me or distraught over me.

I have endangered my health more than any twenty-one-year-old single girl should.

My 20th birthday was the worst day of my life, and I'm haunted by my past.

I refuse to lose another friend.

I can't tell people the real reason I drink sometimes.

I feel stuck on my medication, and dependent on things to give me energy and life each day.

I ask for help but I can't follow through.

I want the truth but I keep living a lie.

I want love deep down, but I can't even love myself.

I'm the girl who begs for the attention of low life boys and still cries over an ex of nearly three years ago.

I want to die because I hate how I am.

Change isn't as easy as I thought it would be.

I can't seem to be "good," and I think the truth is I don't really want to be.

And I hate that too.

Suicide makes everyone sad, and yet we still do it, we still think about it and consider it.

In doing so I know we leave many behind, many people I would want to apologize to.

I would want my parents to know it was nothing they did wrong.

Apologize to my sister's for not being there for them, and being the sister I should have been.

To my lifelong friends, and roommates.

To my close family friends in Europe.

Yet, I find that the list of people who wouldn't blink an eye is far greater.

This is my note. These are my feelings. I choose to not end my physical life, but instead these insecurities and these feelings.

Goodbye.