I am going to tell you a powerful story. January 6, 2012 was supposed to be the day I took my last breath. The night before was supposed to be the day I never told my parents I loved them. The day before was supposed to be the last time I walked the halls of my high school. I had decided to end my life. My whole life had been a series of up and downs, however there were more downs than ups. Depression played a huge role in my decision, because anyone who knows what it is like to deal with it knows that it is hard to convince yourself that life is worth it. I thought I knew the solution. I thought I was worthless. I was tired of being miserable. For so long I tried to convince myself things would get better. I tried to think of what hurt I would cause to my family, teachers, and friends. The morning of January 6, after my attempt, my mom found me on the floor, unresponsive. After spending a few days in ICU breathing on a machine and a few days at a treatment facility, I was home. It took me years to finally decide that I didn’t want depression and suicidal thoughts to run my life. One day, it clicked. Just like that. Today, I couldn’t be happier. Don’t get me wrong, I have my days. Depression is always lurking in the shadows, but I am strong enough to push through. And although I am a suicide survivor, it is still my life. I still get angered when people talk about suicide as if it is selfish or inconsiderate.
Suicide is NOT selfish. Suicidal people, SP, do not just wake up one day and think, “oh, I am going to end my life today.” It is a well thought out process. SP think of everything and consider everyone’s feelings and how devastated everyone would be. And trust me, THERE ARE WARNING SIGNS. SP don’t want to end their life, they want to end their pain. But knowing you have someone, anyone, makes a world of difference. It’s easy to ask “why” or to blame the victim, but how about those who made a SP feel so shitty that they felt the only way out was to end their own life?
Do you have any clue what it is like to look at yourself in the mirror and be disgusted at what you see? Do you have any clue what it is like to constantly think that you are worthless, wasted space, a failure, a mistake? Probably not. So saying SP are selfish for suicidal attempts, you are wrong. SP are not selfish and do not want attention. It is a cry for help. Did you know that on average one person commits suicide every 13 minutes and there is one suicide for every 25 attempted suicides? Did you know suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the US and claims more lives than war, natural disasters, and murder combined? Did you know that you can make a difference in a SP life?
Be kind to one another. A simple smile to someone at the grocery store may make a whole difference in someone’s life.
To those suffering from depression/suicidal thoughts: You may think you have hit rock bottom, but I promise you, IT GETS BETTER. When someone would tell me that, I wanted to punch them in the face, but now I say it myself. Things change. Asking for help is not being weak. It is the strongest step you can make during this difficult time.
If you are anyone you know is suicidal, please call the Suicide Hotline at 1-800-273-8255.
