I was recently contemplating suicide, and what it really means. The "answer" is clear, of course — a person dies after losing an internal struggle cultivated both by physical imbalances in the brain and the (often needlessly cruel, closed-minded) outside world. But what really hit me is the solid fact that is death: you NEVER* come back. Ever.
(*If you believe in reincarnation, bear with me anyway. The message is universal.)
I often feel like I'll never solve my worst problems, those that tear me apart endlessly, and at times, I — or a part of me — feel like there's only one "escape." When we think these things — i.e feel hopelessly lost, worthless, and/or suicidal — we don't say, "Well... I don't know about the whole permanent thing. What else ya got?" We think, "Seems legit!!! Where do I sign up!?" Psychologically speaking, stress is a reaction to a stimulus disturbing our physical or mental equilibrium. Stress triggers our “fight-or-flight” response, and the appropriate hormones strive to take over accordingly. Then, the brain, shrouded in its maximum allowance of stress, feeling defeated in its "fight" and overloaded with a need for "flight" (escape), allows no space for a sense of logic... at that time.
However, when the haze clears and I hit an inevitable up —yes, those are just as inevitable as the downs — I do want to see how my life unfolds, even if I don't feel like it at times. Unlike with redos that keep perfectionists like me semi-sane, you don't get to try again at life. So you may as well see what happens. You feel me? I plan to try to remind myself of this often, & just see how it goes. "Think it into existence" if you will. If you're struggling, I hope you take a minute to internalize this idea, that it strikes you like it did me, and that you can defeat at least some of the agony you're at limbo with. If you do try this, please let me know how it works! We can try it together!
September is Suicide Awareness Month, & it's so essential that we help both others and ourselves. Share a kind word today — even if it's to yourself!