At some point in your life, you'll probably find yourself stuck in a dead-end relationship, whether it's with a friend or a significant other.
You'll realize that the individual you once knew and loved is no longer the person you're fighting to keep around. You'll reflect on the good times you shared throughout the years and convince yourself that the relationship can somehow be redeemed, in spite of the toll it takes on you.
You'll feel sad, perhaps confused, and wonder when everything changed so drastically. Though you might not even like the new version of the person you once loved, just the thought of letting them go overwhelms you with guilt.
Luckily, I'm here to tell you that you deserve better and it's OK (I'd even say it's actually really good) to cut toxic people out of your life.
"But how do I know my relative, friend, partner, etc. is toxic for me?" you ask.
Well, there are lots of signs that point to a toxic relationship.
Here are a few:
—You're always anxious (in a bad way) about spending time with the person in question
—There's a blatant lack of effective communication between the two of you
—You feel as if you're constantly being criticized; it's as if you can't do anything right
—The person in question seems to bring down you, and everyone around them, all the time
—You don't feel like yourself when you're around them; they bring out the worst in you
—You don't foresee your relationship improving in the future; you simply focus on the past
—You put in way more effort than they do
Though it's usually hard to admit, if your relationship can be summed up by just a few of those statements, it's probably toxic. And by staying in a toxic relationship, you're only hurting yourself.
I know you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings—most people try to avoid doing so at all costs—but remaining in a toxic relationship is going to continue taking a toll on you. It'll wear you down both psychologically and emotionally and you won't ever benefit from it. The relationship is parasitic, not symbiotic.
Consider this:
If you witnessed someone else treating one of your friends the way the toxic individual in your life treats you, would you be OK with it? Would you stand by and watch your friend give their blood, sweat and tears to a relationship that provided them with nothing in return?
It's likely you wouldn't put up with that and you'd advise your friend to cut ties with the other person. So why don't you do it for yourself?
Listen to me when I say that you deserve better.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to surround yourself with people who raise you up instead of bringing you down. There's nothing wrong with wanting a like-minded friend, or partner, who improves your life and the quality of it. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be miserable when you're around the people you choose to be with. In fact, it's actually pretty normal.
Practicing self-care is important and, if that means cutting ties with a friend or partner, that's okay. The problem is not with you; the problem is with the individual who's unwilling to change their behavior. So while I'm not saying you should toss them to the curb without first attempting to bring their attention to the issues, I will remind you that you can bring a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
And if you try (and fail) time and time again, perhaps you should weigh the pros and cons of your relationship with that person and decide where to go from there.
Just remember, life is short; you don't need to waste it chasing other people.
