Most of us are no strangers to the feeling of heartbreak, if any. Even so, heartbreak isn’t exclusive to the idea of having lost someone you were close with. Being hurt can exist in context of losing someone you were interested in, a favorite movie star or musician (See Also: Robin Williams), or a character in a book, or TV show you watch. In the wake of a pain like this, it’s hard to imagine fixing things and moving forward. Loss touches us to our very core; when something is there and then suddenly isn’t, we struggle with finding the emotions and the explanation for why they’re gone, as part of us was completed by the existence of this person or thing. Tears are the almost always the gut reaction for most people; they’re our bodies natural response to emotional pain. We cry because it makes us feel better; though it may not in the moment, the quick emotional release we get from crying is the immediate reaction from our body to release the negative energy and feelings when something makes us sad.

Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator

In my own struggles with loss, crying is something I seldom find myself capable of. I've noticed that when I lose someone, such as a family member or friend who’s passed away, an ended relationship, or a friend who’s moved away, crying isn’t something I’m immediately capable of, if so. Unfortunately, this makes loss more difficult for me to deal with – since crying is the best immediate release of emotional pain for me, not having that coping mechanism makes it more difficult to follow the recovery process.

In the context of being hurt by someone else, success is the best gift you can give yourself. Pain isn’t something that immediately goes away, but self-confidence and self-love can give you the energy you need to power through a loss that might otherwise have consumed all of your energy. In psychotherapy, there is a theory called the “As-If Principle”. The principle is sort of a deeper explanation of positive self-talk; it states that we can create outer circumstances by acting “as-if” they are already real. For example, we can be happy by acting as if we are happy. Mind over matter is important here – as is the previous example of the boardroom. I know that if I take the negative energy from the hurt, anger, sadness, or whatever emotions I may be feeling, and I set them as part of my boardroom, but use them to work for me, then I can use them as fuel to be successful. It’s sort of a way to transfer energy. Since you only have a set amount of energy to deal with things on a day to day basis – it’s your choice where it goes.

For instance, say I have 4 AA batteries, and a math assignment due tomorrow. I know that the math assignment should be my priority, but I also want to play Pokémon on my Gameboy. Unfortunately for me, I only have one set of batteries and they only have enough charge to do one or the other; I have the choice of either doing what is easier and more comfortable for me (playing Pokémon/allowing my emotions to consume my energy), or going out of my comfort zone and doing what I must to make myself better. Emotional control and regulation is a lot like doing homework; by design, it's something that is difficult to do, but if we re-frame it in a way that makes it comfortable for us, then we can control the feelings that make us want to isolate.

It may sound selfish, but the most important thing in your life is you. Everyone else, every friend, family member, significant other, comes after you. You must take care of yourself first, because in your life, other people may come and go, but you will always be there. Since you are the most important part of your life, it’s important to think about yourself before you think about anyone else, to a degree that is not negative towards others.

Loving yourself is the skeleton key to surviving emotional pain, and after you are hurt by someone, it is your biggest ally in overcoming the loss. Your view of yourself can directly impact the process to overcoming that grief. If you blame the loss on yourself, and beat yourself up about it, it will be harder to be happy and positive about it. However, if you add that loss to your boardroom, then it has no power over you. Remember - be selfish; remove people from your life you feel like bring you down and do not allow you to be the best possible version of yourself you can be. Take physical care of yourself - exercise daily, eat healthy, go to sleep at a reasonable time - all the cliche things you've been taught to do are the best things you can do to overcome this loss. And never, ever, ever feel like you should be ashamed of pain. Everyone walks a different path through life, and pain is no different. What others may get over immediately may take months for you - and that's okay. You take every second of every day you need to take care of yourself. And if someone has hurt you, be it intentionally or unintentionally, the best payback you can get is loving yourself and being successful.