Living in the suburbs has always made me uncomfortable, it seems to have it’s own unspoken customs. In a broad sense, the idea of living on top of one another is disheartening in a way, which is why suburban neighborhoods exist. You can spread out, have more room and still remain close to other humans. Here’s some of the things I’ve noticed:
1. Every house looks similar.
This is commonly masked through different paint or brick colors, but there’s no denying that there’s no real personal flair on any of these homes, just projections on cookie cutter exteriors.
2. Wastefulness
Personal pools, even when there’s a community pool down the street. Why does everyone have THAT many trash bins? Seriously, how much packaging can a family of four possibly throw out per week? Don’t even get me started on pressure washing your driveway. My dad just had mulch delivered to our house to put over the mulch he bought last year.
3. Everyone competes.
Speaking of wastefulness, every man competes for the greenest, most luscious lawn. Trees are cut down for a better view of our homes, and sprinkler systems dampen our lots every morning. Why do we care about what other people think of our plot of nature? According to Grace Communications Foundation, watering a 1,000 square foot lawn with a half-inch of water wastes approximately 330 gallons. Everyone competes in other ways too, with cars, jobs, parties, and children.
giphy.gif4. Cops
Everyone loves them when a little vandalism by an angsty teen shows up on a stop sign, but everyone hates them when they pull people over.
5. Everyone waves but no one really talks.
The ratio of how many greetings I get to how many conversations I’ve had is embarrassing. You’d think if you slept 100 yards away from someone, you’d be able to know more about them than their Facebook profile.
6. Once the cars pour out, the service trucks pour in.
It seems like we ignore those that serve us. How many times have you thanked those who take your garbage away every week? Your mailman or mail woman?
7. No one uses sidewalks anymore.
Who actually uses them anymore? People with strollers walk in the road, kids on bikes are on the road, runners are on the road. So are…
8. Power walkers.
People actually walk in groups with color-coordinated weights in hand. Is there more gossip happening or exercise? The world may never know.
giphy.gif9. Blogger moms.
This goes hand in hand with power walkers, but seriously, some of these moms give advice straight out of parenting magazines and online forums. The moms who sit around and talk about how to deal with children seem to be the ones whose offspring scream in public places. There seems to be a lot of cliques based on moms whose kids are the same age, and judgment is thrown at those who have chosen not to have kids at all. There seems to be little emphasis on the meaning of “community”.
10. Excessive lighting.
It makes sense, thieves won’t break into a well-lit house. The only thing that doesn’t add up is putting floodlights on your trees and landscaping. “Look at my superior nature!” I can’t remember the last time someone stole one of my shrubberies.
