Finals week is just around the corner, and we're all getting ready to die. So grab your shovel, engrave your tombstone, and let the games begin. Oh Squidward, we came as soon as we were sure you were dead.
In light of the glorious couple of weeks that are to come, I wanted to poetically compare my finals week experience to the characters in the Nickelodeon show, "Spongebob Squarepants". There is a dark cloud hovering above us all, but the worst is yet to come <3.
We all have finals. Some friends have essay-like finals. Others have multiple choice. But how about the ultimate final: cumulative finals. Not only do you have to know chapters 13 to 15, but 1 to 3, 4 to 6, and 7 to 13 all in one. It's literally a dream come true. Not only do you need to know all that for Genetics, but for Orgo 2 and your stupid Writing 205 class.
So let the games begin! You sit at your desk in your room and begin studying. 7 pm becomes 9 pm becomes 3 am. WOW! You made a ton of progress and you're excited to retain all of it after a good nights sleep. Except you look at your notes and:
I guess you're not sleeping tonight.
Day two of studying for the three cumulative finals. You didn't get much done last night, but today? You got this. Instead of sitting in your room, you decide on moving yourself to the library. No distractions there! You go up to the quiet floor and spread all your notebooks and worksheets across your desk. You whisper to yourself, "Where do I start?" The answer?
"Just tear all this wallpaper off!"
Just take your books and throw them across the room.
Day three. You've been in the library since yesterday and you seriously need to crack it down. You don't have time to fool around and tell your friends you have no time to go out. You watch all there snap stories and get jealous. You see that giant burrito your friends eating at Chipotle, and look at your other friend studying vigorously at the library with you. "I'm hungry" you say to him.
You leave the library after a full meal and bump into another friend who's just got out of their final. "How did you do?" you ask. "I did great! I'm done! I'm going home tonight (heart eyes)"
Oh, are you done? I still have two finals to go.
You go back to your room to pull your all-nighter, and realize you need some inspiration. You pull out your magic conch and ask, "Magic conch, will I memorize all 200 mechanisms?"
WHY DOES IT MATTER? Who CARES about these finals. It literally does not matter. So what if you fail your history final? So WHAT if you fail English? It's just a test, right? Just stop studying and go outside and play in the leaves.
Never mind. This test determines your entire career path.
You did it. Today is the day. Not only did you have three tests, but they're all on the same day. But whatever. You did it. You studied and you'll at least get a C on two of them. Praying for the curve huh? You get out of bed and decide to walk to class today. You leave the building and start your stroll. Where is everyone? It's like seriously empty on campus. You walk up to the building and grab the door handle. Um... why is the door locked?
"Excuse me sir?" you ask the janitor outside. "Can you let me inside the building?"
"Why kid?" he asks.
"I need to take my final! I'm going to be late!" you exclaim.
"Um... finals ended yesterday..." he says confused.
Oh my god.
How could you be so stupid, you!
Whatever. You can go Summer it away!
Go home and let Mom make you a homemade meal.
.
