It means confidence.
I could say I have gained the confidence that I never had when I was at home. Growing up under strict society standards made me grow up with a lot of self-hatred and became lack of self esteem. When you think of beauty standards exist everywhere, it’s worst in Asia, the place where everyone has to conform, else you’re the odd. And it’s not only about how you dress. In class students aren’t supposed to raise their voice and they sort of have to think the same way that the teachers think. There’s nothing called freedom of thought aren’t enforced.Most kids who grow up in Asian background tend to be very passive, because they were taught not to speak up, because that’s wrong, or eventually their ideas will be rejected, because adults are always right. It means they are good kids, but it also means they don’t have any opinion. They grow up with the hesitation to do everything, even the smallest thing such as asking the waiter for an extra cup.
Coming to the US where everyone gets to dress the way they want, where sizes aren’t that big of a deal, where they won’t be called naughty just because they have their nails painted, where there isn’t the only one right answer for every question. My first US semester evaluation said I need to participate more in class. Now, I don’t think anything can stop me from expressing my ideas or trying out new things.
It means seeing the hidden parts of the world.
Living in one same background limits my vision to the world. Moving to the biggest melting pot in the world, I have met and been friends with people from much different backgrounds. There are people from countries that I’ve never even heard of. I learned about their beautiful culture and its weirdly cool aspects. I know about the food they eats and how a day is like over there.
Over all of that, I learned to open up my mind. Typically when you grows up in one culture, you tends to follow all of that culture’s prejudices without any prethought. But being friends with people whose identities are told to be bad made me realize how ignorant I have been. I have changed my mindset on a lot of aspects because when it comes to real experiences, things we always assume to be right aren’t true anymore.
And it means self-reliance.
A lot international students are “escorted” to the US the first time by their parent(s), but I wasn’t. First time traveling alone and traveling halfway across the world brought me more excitement than fear, because I knew everything lies on my communication skill. Everything can be solved if I ask. I learned, or was forced to learn to carry the mass that was heavier than my weight. But it becomes a usual things now. Traveling often and far almost makes me expert at packing, reading airport signs and finding gates.
You might have the fear darkness or going out alone but there’s no other choices. There will be no more parents helping you out or dragging you out of the bed every morning. No one will remind you that deadlines for that application is next week. You either have to buy your own food or make them yourself. There will be most likely no one can make your decisions for you .
It’s also about self-management and self-reliance. I start doing my own chores, set my own alarms, write down the deadlines, choose to attend what events that I think important for my career life, set priorities on things I have to do. I have a pretty active imagination especially at night, but everything has to be trained. The hardest thing to accept is that there’s going to be no one sitting right next to you dabbing the cold towel on your flaming forehead and make you lemonade when you have fever. I didn’t like illness because it made me homesick more than anything, because at that moment you are too tired and just want to be taken care of. But I overcame all of that already. It’s going to be overwhelming once in awhile, but eventually things will settle down and we will get used to anything.
