In my junior year of college, I studied abroad in Madrid, Spain for five months. Everyone will tell you what an incredible experience it was, and I wholeheartedly agree with them. For the most part. There was an aspect of my experience that wasn’t too enjoyable, and kept me locked away in my room a lot of the time: My host Madre. She was an 82-year-old woman named Carmen that spoke not a word of English. I’ll never know if the issue was our language/culture barrier, or her old age, but this woman could not keep the same rules in place. No matter what I did I could not keep her happy. I swear I think my most used phrase the entire time was “Lo siento, Carmen.” (I’m sorry, Carmen.)
La Ducha (The Shower)
In Madrid, there are very strict rules on water use. My program director told us showers should be short, 7 minutes at the most. This was very doable, and I followed that rule every single day. Even the 92-degree day I came home and said I wanted to shower before lunch. She said that was absolutely fine. So, a few days later, it was warm again and I decided to take a shower before lunch. I figured I didn’t need to ask, but a few minutes later she comes to the door banging and screaming, telling me I am using all of the hot water for cooking and that I should not be using the shower before lunch. What?! I tried to explain my thought process, but she wasn’t having it. I just said, “Lo siento, Carmen” and walked back to my room. So, lesson learned, always ask if you can take a shower. Or just be like me and shower AFTER lunch. Speaking of lunch…
La Comida (The food, or lunch)
Eating in Spain was very interesting, and it took a long time to get used to. Breakfast, which is normally protein-filled in the U.S., was a few biscuit cookies and some jam, or a few small cinnamon donuts (those were my favorite), and Lunch was even more different. Carmen would eat lunch with me every day when I arrived home from class. I left her a schedule of my classes so she would know when I got home each day for lunch. On Mondays and Wednesday I came home at 3, and Tuesday and Thursday at 2. But, each day I came home, she was irritated! When I came home at 3, she asked me why I was so late, and complained that the food was cold, or, when I came home at 2, she’d complain that I was home too early and the food wasn’t ready yet. I kept re-writing the schedule, but it never mattered. So, again, I just said “Lo siento, Carmen” and walked to my room.
There were issues at the table too, and I think these were the hardest to deal with. 99% of everything Carmen made was delicious. I tried everything she put in front of me, even the rice with black squid ink sauce, but being away from my friends and family took a toll on my eating habits somedays. Sometimes I would come home with a very nervous stomach and would not be able to eat. I’d pick at my food and eat as much as I could stomach, and tell her I was just sad and nervous, but every time this happened she’d just pick up my plate, stomp into the kitchen, and throw the plate into the sink. It was so loud I think she may have broken a dish or two sometimes. I always felt so horrible and explained that the food was delicious, I was just feeling sick, but her anger wasn’t about that. She’d storm right back into the dining room and tell me how ungrateful I was. That there were people on the street hungry for the food and I just wasted it. This happened multiple times a week. I would ask her to not make as much food, but she never did. So, this time crying, I just said “Lo siento, Carmen” and went back into my room. Lesson learned here.
It took a while for me to get used to her rules. Shower after lunch, leave the bathroom door open for the steam, and do not ever put your towel on the floor, not even for a second. Really that was not much to ask for. Some of my friends’ host families wouldn’t let them leave without a coat, or had strict curfews! So, shout out to Carmen for letting me live my life as an adult and still doing my laundry!
Although there were obviously some tense situations, this experience with Carmen was not an entirely negative one. I have specific memories of laughs at the table over game shows, and times she would sit on my bed with me and look through my old Facebook photos. If I were to stay in on a weekend evening, she would come into my room and tell me to get ready and go out! She was the sweetest woman, and I know she meant well, but the adjustment from living in a house where the norm was showers at any time and leftovers at every meal was difficult. It was an experience I will never forget, and one that I took a lot away from, but my first night back, I remember I took a 15-minute shower, and brought leftovers home from Taco Bell. It was like heaven.
