I'm a 28 year old mother of two, and I'm a full time student. I'm no one special. There are millions of parents who decide to further their education every single day. What makes us different from other parents though is remarkable. We hold a level of sensationalism that other people might not see. While that may be cocky, it's true. This whole college experience tests our will, alongside testing our faith, and our parenting styles. Being a parent in general is hard work. Being a good parent is extraordinary. Being a parent while being a student however, you must be a super hero. Throughout the journey every student parent is trying to convince themselves that it'll be worth it in the end. Every student parent is battling with the choice of what role they will play that day. Will I be a better student today, or will I be a better parent? As someone experiencing it, I'll admit I am failing at being both simultaneously. I am constantly using the TV as a babysitter (especially now during finals). My patience is always wearing thin. I am grumpy. I am not a pleasant person to be around 75% of the time. All the while I look at these little angel faces and know that they don't yet understand the point of all of this. Here is a letter to my babies, and all babies of the student parent.
To my children,
There has never been a greater gift, than being the person who gets to raise you. Watching you turn into your individual selves is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done. However, as you get older, you'll notice that your attention strays away from yourself. Eventually, your life's purpose will be to love another. This is special. Never ever take that for granted. But along the way you'll find that you need to do something for yourself. If you're lucky (like me), the thing that you'll need to do will not only better yourself, it'll better those around you.
This thing that I chose was an education. I wanted to further my knowledge and with that give you the best life I possibly could. This choice came with sacrifices, and unfortunately you are the ones who suffer from them the most. Know that when mommy loses her patience, it more than likely has little to do with you. Know that when mommy is cranky, it more than likely has little to do with you. Know that when mommy drops you off at your grandparent's, it's not because I don't want to be with you. Know that when I sit you in front of the TV, it's not because I don't want to play with you. Know that the nights that Daddy puts you to sleep without me, I'm in the library thinking about you.
I chose this path with myself convinced that I was doing all of it for you. I wanted to give you the best life I possibly could. However, after a few years, I realized I was finding myself. I was finding passion and inspiration. I was being ignited inside with knowledge and exploration. I was cultivating my curiosities and discovering. You see, right now I am "mommy". That's the most important thing. But years down the road I need to know what my place in the world will be, when you are all grown to conquer it yourself.
By doing this, I hope I am setting an example that I couldn't of done otherwise. I hope that when you look back and see how I pushed myself to the brink of insanity, you'll be proud. I hope you'll take away that you can be successful at any age. I hope that you'll know that I was dying on the inside not being next to you. I hope you'll forgive me for all the moments I missed out on.
Just know that these moments aren't forever. I will come out on the other end a better version of myself, and I hope you'll grow to be better people for it. One day, you'll understand.
