I don't like it. I don't like what I see. I don't like what I see when I look in the mirror. I stare at myself for so long as if I'll finally end up finding something that I actually like. But I don't. I never do.

I didn't always hate what I saw when I looked in the mirror. I didn't always stare in the mirror for so long trying to find something I liked about myself, picking myself apart until I was completely nothing. Until there was no more picking apart to do. Anymore, the topmost struggle for me is trying to love myself.

I can hardly remember the girl I once was. The girl who woke up happy and full of love every day. The girl who didn't end up in tears because she thought she didn't look good in anything she had to wear. The girl who wasn't so self-conscious about her smile that she didn't use her hand to cover her mouth every time she laughed. The girl who looked in the mirror and was confident with what she saw. That girl no longer exists.

Every day I wake up, is another continuous battle with loving who I am. It takes a toll in my every day life. Sometimes, you spend time doing your makeup a little longer than usual, thinking that just that little amount of time spent doing your makeup will make you look at least a little prettier. Or sometimes no matter how much time you spend doing your makeup, you realize it's not fixing anything. So you give up, wipe off the makeup, and stay home that day instead.

Self-love is one of the most important, if not the most important thing. I stay home more because I tell myself that people don't enjoy being around me. I am more quiet around others because I tell myself that whatever I have or want to say does not matter anyway. I don't even bother with trying to accomplish anything or chase my dreams because I tell myself I'm not good enough or that I don't even deserve to try. But I have learned that the problem is me. I am my own obstacle that I am trying to overcome.

As each day comes and goes, I am learning to ignore all of those malevolent voices going on inside my head. I'm making myself go out more and hang out with the ones I love instead of listening to the voice that is telling me no one enjoys my company. I am slowly learning to laugh without using my hand to cover up my smile and am trying to ignore the voice that tells me to hide it. It is a process. A process that, for someone who is struggling with self-love, is unfortunately going to be a slow one. But I'm not going to give up. I'm ready to love me again. I want to love me again.