If you've ever been outside the country, you know the stress and concern traveling that far can bring. It's no surprise that when someone brings up going out of the country, the look of both concern and excitement fills the faces of all those who are graced with the news. However, it is a big expense to travel, both time and money. The reward of getting to your long awaited destination is the greatest feeling in the world, but getting there takes time and patience. I love flying, don't get me wrong, but there are some things about the flying process that I wish I could just skip altogether.
1. The Packing
We all know the struggles of finding the right suitcase, getting all your items together, and making sure everyone has everything they need to survive the long flight across the pond but the dread of thinking, "Did I forget to pack something important?" always seems to creep into our head. It's a fear that is quite common among even the most experienced of travelers. It's a fear that keeps us awake on the plane and won't leave us alone until we get to tear into our bag at the baggage claim to prove to ourselves that yes, we are in fact prepared. Aside from the worry, you have to figure out which suitcase is just the right size. If it's too small, you're screwed. If it's too big, you're screwed. When it comes to suitcases, somebody's going to end up riding the struggle bus.
2. Waking Up Early
Let's face it, no one likes waking up in the morning. The warmth of the covers wrapped around you, the feeling of total relaxation flowing through your body and the softness supporting you like a cloud. At times it becomes almost impossible to wake up and get out of bed, especially if that means waking up at three in the morning. Waking up at three for a 12-hour flight is the last thing that I want to do today, but since there's no other alternative, I guess I'll be getting five hours of sleep tonight. It's cool. Whatever.
3. The Drive
Imagine this, you wake up at three in the morning, get everyone's suitcase, load them into the car, do a quick head count to make sure you don't have a "Home Alone" situation and drive to the airport. Accounting for traffic is tricky, and you can guarantee that you will be stopping at least once while on the freeway. If you live close to an airport then you might be saved this nightmare but if you live in the suburbs, be ready to spend some quality time with the family while on the road. It gives you time to think about why you decided to take this trip in the first place.
4. The Security
TSA security checkpoints are the worst part of flying. The majority of people will say that this is a step that they would much rather skip than be forced to undergo. The real comical part of it all is how thorough they are in the search. Just think about what you have to do to get through the check point. You have to take off your shoes and your belt and put them in a tub. Next you have to put bags and electronic devices each in their own tub, empty your pockets into the tub. Then you have to walk through this metal detector and/or body scan, get your stuff out of the tubs and walk across the dirty floor that probably gets cleaned once a month in your clean socks all to put everything back on and head to your terminal. Sounds like a lot doesn't it? It sounds even worse when you add in the fact that you have your kids going through this check point system for the first time. Security is the part of the trip that we despise the most.
5. Finding Your Terminal
Have you ever played a game of Battleship and thought that it was the best game ever? Same concept here. Find your airline, go to the gate column, find your number and boom! You've successfully found your gate. Write this gate down so you don't forget it. Common sense would dictate that your gate number, right? Wrong. Some tickets do, some don't. So now you have to consult the almighty board of knowledge for when and where your flight is. Don't forget to look over and see if it's on time because sometimes the plane is delayed. You will find that airline travel is a lot of hurry up and wait. Now that you've found your terminal, sit down and relax on the barely comfortable terminal chairs and enjoy your Starbucks that is twice the price as a regular Starbucks coffee.
6. Boarding
Getting on to the plane itself is a feat that requires grace, agility and patience. The narrow rows are a strange mix of being just big enough to fit a person but also being slightly too small to fit your luggage. You have people behind you pushing you down the aisle while you find your seat, which looks like it was made for a small child and just as germ infested. You have to put your carry on luggage above your seat which sometimes requires the strength of a weight lifter, depending on how much you packed. You will very likely have to sit next to a complete stranger, who will probably fall asleep on your shoulder within the first hour or so of the flight. It's not a glamorous life, unless you fly first class. I'm thankful that we can pick our seats online when we buy the ticket. I'm an aisle kind of guy despite the coveted advantages the window seat gets you. My advantage is I get to go to the restroom without awkwardly waking you up.
7. The Flight Itself
Riding in a car for hours isn't all that bad. Riding the plane takes it to a whole new level. Not only are you extremely uncomfortable sitting in the sardine can of a seat but you also have to sit there for upwards of 12 hours while you contemplate your decision to go this far. The babies are crying and the kid behind you thinks that it's a good idea to kick the seat repeatedly because he's either bored or the spawn of Satan. The guy in front of you puts his seat all the way back, further restricting your space in this already cramped area. You try to sleep to make time go by faster all to no avail because the seat only goes back so far and you are left to just sit there and have your patience tested. Also the food is something that came out of the high school cafeteria. As Jerry Seinfeld once said, "What's the deal with airline food?" and he was absolutely right in his observation. I wasn't expecting five-star food but I also wasn't expecting a microwave dinner. Let's meet in the middle and have a somewhat acceptable meal.
8. The Layover
You've made it through your first flight and are geared up for your next one because you know that this flight will be taking you to your final destination. There's just one problem, there's about six hours between the first and the second flight. Meaning that you're stuck at the airport for six hours. It's even worse because you're at a coastal state and are now forced to see people in swimwear going out and having a good time while you're stuck in the airport eating an overpriced Big Mac. If you're not from the states and have no idea what I'm talking about, typically with international flights the layover between the U.S. and international flights is at a state that lies on the coast. This is because most international flights are stationed in these states. You will find very few direct flights for a reasonable price because at some point the plane will have to stop for gas. While in the layover, you can't even go out and explore the surrounding area for four hours and come back. You have to stay confined in the airport.
8. Arriving at Your Destination
Congratulations! You've finally arrived at your destination! At this point you may be thinking to yourself, "Time to go out there and enjoy the sun, surf and sand!" However, you have one last security check point to get through and that's Customs. Now, bureaucracy aside, Customs is a little agitating because it's clear to see from how I'm dressed, that I'm a tourist and here to do the typical things tourists do. The Customs booth is this glass booth where an individual sits examining your passport and asking you mainly two major questions, "Why are you here?" and "How long will you be staying?" That's it. That's all Customs is. It sounds like a big to-do but it's really just a simple walk through. Keep the answers short and sweet. When they ask, "Why are you here?" simply say, "For vacation." These people have the power to confirm or deny your entrance into the country. So tread lightly.
9. Finding Your Way Around
Making your way through a new city is hard work. It becomes even harder when you're in a country that doesn't even speak your language. Granted, most people do speak English but the quality may be broken English. If you learned some basic phrases then great! However, if you haven't learned any phrases, it's going to be a struggle to find where you need to go. If you get a taxi, it could help to find where you need to go on a map and show them rather than stumbling through pronunciation. If you go to Germany for instance, the street names change as you go down. You think you're still on the same street but unfortunately, the street name has changed about a block and a half ago. Your only saving grace is that most countries have adopted system where the odd numbers addresses on one side and even numbered addresses are on the other side. The language being as diverse and deep as it is makes it a mix of wonderful and confusing which just adds to the anxiety of finding your hotel.
10. The Food
What is "Schnitzel ,,Wiener Art" mit Kartoffelsalat"? What is "Currywurst mit Pommes Frites"? These are questions you will be asking yourself all throughout the meal. To make matters worse, the ingredients listed under the food name is all in the native language so you don't know what "Schweinfleisch" is without pulling the translator app out and doing the most touristy thing aside from taking a picture of you holding up the Leaning Tower of Pisa. One thing that you can always count on is there is a McDonald's a short drive away and a Big Mac with large fries calling your name. For those of you who are wondering, "Schnitzel ,,Wiener Art" mit Kartoffelsalat is a special type of Schnitzel made like country fried steak but instead of steak it's pork, and Kartoffelsalat is potato salad. Also Currywurst is a Berlin specialty that's just a sausage with curry sauce over it. Pommes Frites are fries. They're most commonly called Pommes in Germany. You're welcome. Also while we're on the topic of German food, German Chocolate Cake is not German. Black Forest Cake or "Schwarzwaler Kuchen" is most definitely German. It is also most definitely delicious as well.
11. Transportation System
Chances are, there are taxis wherever you're planning to go in the country, but what if you decide to go far distances where it'll cost too much to go by taxi? Well then, you have to take the train. Most counties in the Western world use trains and buses as their public transportation system. The only problem is figuring out the labyrinth of a map the train goes on. The Munich train map, for instance, makes your head spin! It gets even more interesting when you look at the Shanghai train map. Granted, after sitting down for a while and studying the maps beforehand makes it a bit more digestible and not so mind boggling. However, once you factor in departure and transfer times, it makes a nice morning work out getting to your favorite tourist attractions.
12. Leaving
The greatest sadness comes when you leave a place with which you have fallen in love. You spent your whole vacation making memories and learning more about the world. The moment when you have to leave and go back to the world that you know is something that pulls at your heartstrings in a way that only the end to "Of Mice and Men" can do. You feel at a loss of words and don't want it to be true. You constantly look at the calendar on your phone in hopes that you have just one more day to spend at that place. Sadly though, it is not meant to be. With a heavy heart, you trudge to the gate and board the flight home, wishing that there could be more time. There is, yet again, another layover in the states which only goes to worsen your Fernsucht, your "travel obsession" or "cabin fever." All that brings you hope is that one day, you can come back to this magical and enchanting place once more.
