It's difficult enough to pick out a movie to watch with someone - it always seems to take forever to pick out the genre, weed through which movies you've both already seen, and then watch every preview to further analyze which one could be the best choice. However, the difficulty of picking out a movie is infinitely increased when you're an absolute horror movie fanatic. There are so many factors that go into picking the perfect horror movie, and the struggle of your life as a gore and ghost lover never gets easier - some people just don't understand. You love the thrill; you would do anything for adrenaline to pump viciously through your veins as you watch a terrifying film. However, the life of a horror movie fanatic is not all that easy.
1. Your expectations are really high
You've seen countless films, and consequently, you know what you like. You've seen gore, you've seen ghosts, you've seen exorcisms gone right and wrong like it's nobody's business. You've experienced the most terrifying characters and special effects and are only looking for the very best in all of these categories. Unfortunately, this is often difficult to find in a horror movie. Many are horribly made, and frankly, not scary at all. When you watch a horror movie, you're hoping for it to be the most scarring, gut-wrenching scare you've ever experienced. This is rarely achieved, but when you do finally find an amazingly terrifying movie, your night is made.
2. You're scared of the dark
Okay, maybe this is just me, but ever since I watched some of the scariest movies out there, I've been just a little (maybe a lot) scared of the dark. Ever notice how, in horror films, all of the murderous and ghostly events take place in the dead of night? Even as dusk approaches in these movies, things begin to go awry when the sun begins to disappear in the slightest. Despite a horror movie fanatic's abhorrence for the dark, it is rare that they will stop watching these movies just because they have trouble sleeping at night. Rather, they will do as I do and cover their heads with their blanket while they sleep so that the demons can't get them. Please don't judge me.
3. Staying home alone afterwards is difficult
So, you're scared of the dark, you can't bare to even peak outside your window, and every sound you hear is absolutely terrifying. These are the consequences of watching your favorite scary movies. When you're home alone, you turn on every light possible (with no regard for the electricity bill that will ensue), play music or the TV at max volume to block out any potential ghost sounds or chainsaws, and you close every window shade in the house. There, now you're safe (until your parents or roommate comes home, at least).
4. You can't find people to watch them with you
No one understands why you would ever put yourself through the agony and stress that goes hand-in-hand with watching a horror film. Consequently, you have difficulty finding a scary movie partner in crime. I'm lucky enough to have a family of thrill-lovers constantly by my side, so I'm never short of a partner with whom I can watch. However, finding a friend that will watch a horror film with me is much more difficult. These people are practical: they don't understand why anyone would purposefully scare themselves. I understand, but I speak for all horror movie fanatics when I say: we are not practical.
5. You hate yourself after watching one
Everything that has been said above can be easily summed up by this one point. You're scared of the dark, you have trouble staying home alone in any situation, and finding a movie that lives up to your expectations is no easy task- clearly, you kind of hate yourself for making your life so difficult. You could easily prevent all of these things by simply not watching anymore horror films. However, the point here is that you would never do that. Ever. You kind of just accept the fact that you did this to yourself and that you will continue to do so.
6. You've pretty much seen all of them already
You've seen so many, an almost uncountable and unfathomable amount of scary movies. Unfortunately, this makes picking out a new one to watch sort of difficult. You go through the "on-demand" movies, and when you've seen all of those, you move to Netflix, then to illegal online screening. Not only have you seen pretty much every horror film a TV provider has to offer, but you can barely remember which ones you've already seen, which makes it even more difficult to choose. You'll often start a horror film, realize you've already seen it, and start the choosing process over again. This lifestyle is such a struggle.
7. You get offended when someone doesn't like you favorite one
If someone tells me they didn't like Insidious, it is quite possible I will cut off all ties from that person and spread horrible rumors about them. Ok, that's not true, but I will be deeply and personally offended if you don't agree with me on my scary movie of choice. For us fanatics, it's hard to find someone who shares our love for a similar horror film - everyone looks for something different, whether it be ghosts, gore, a crazy plot twist, emotionally invested characters, cinematography, the list goes on and on. So, you can't really blame someone for not loving your favorite scary movie, but that doesn't mean you won't be pissed as hell at them.
8. You want a good scare, but also a good plot story/twist
It's rare that a horror-fanatic will find a movie that fits both of his or her needs: a terrifying cast and an attention-grabbing plot line. Usually, a movie will have one or the other, or rather, a movie with not-so-scary characters will rarely have a good plot line to make up for them. To find a horror film with great and intimidating characters, that also has a plot that keeps your attention (with an actual storyline and no holes in the plot) means that you have found the ultimate horror movie. This is what we're all really searching for.
9. You always get caught in the awkward sex scenes
Ugh, how many times do you go to watch a scary movie and immediately nix the choice when you see a group of teen guys and girls sitting around in a cabin, asylum, or something like that? When these scenes approach, you know you're about to be caught in an extremely awkward and forced sex scene. Horror movie script-writers seem to think it's always a great idea to add a little lust to these films to keep them interesting, when in reality, we really just want to be able to watch this with our families without feeling extremely uncomfortable. Not only that, but the characters that have sex literally ALWAYS die anyway, so it's not really worth putting in these uncomfortable scenes, right? These scenes are laughable and uncomfortable, so at least you get a small chuckle (you might actually think it's funny or you might be trying to cut the awkward tension in the room) out of an otherwise scary movie.
10. You get annoyed at characters easily
You wonder why the teens are entering the abandoned room in the haunted asylum, and you are positive that those teens shouldn't have sex in that tent, because you know that all of these characters are clearly the ones who will die. You scream at the screen on which you are watching, because you can't take these characters' stupidity any longer. You wonder why directors and writers and producers continue to let characters do such stupid acts that are bound to get them killed in the end. As a horror movie fanatic, you usually love the villain, not the stupid characters that make obviously dumb moves throughout the film.
11. You can predict almost any ending
The mom was actually dead the whole time; that little boy was actually her brother in a past life; the villain escapes and there's bound to be a sequel. You've seen every possible type of ending to one of these gut-wrenching films, which makes it difficult to let anyone else guess what might happen at the end. You have no filter when it comes to blurting out what the ending will probably be, even when you're only thirty minutes into the movie. Some people get annoyed that you have given away what will probably be the plot twist ending (although not really a plot twist to you), while others will simply be impressed by your infinite knowledge. Some will actually just be creeped out by how often you watch scary movies and how well you know them. You don't really concern yourself with these people.
You wish you could stop watching them so that your life could continue in peace, but you know you could never give up the most thrilling activity that can take place in your own home. You wish there was a way you could craft your own scary movie with everything you love, because you've seen them all and have criticized and scrutinized every detail. You will watch your favorite one over and over again and want to show all your friends, but you know that only a true horror film fanatic will appreciate it like you do. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter that you're scared of the dark and can't really sleep at night - what matters is that you get the most terrifying experience out of each film that you watch.
