I am a Long Islander at heart. I have my accent, I know the best places, I drive aggressively and yell at other people in the car, and go to the beach now and again. When I graduated from Glen Cove High School, I packed my stuff up and headed west to Williamsport, Penn., for college. I was like a science experiment to the people of rural Pennsylvania -- it's like they've never met a Long Islander before (they probably haven't). But people started to ask me all these questions and it started to get annoying. How many times do I have to explain I am from Long Island? I've just gotten into a routine of saying a few of these things, especially the first one.
So, for those of you curious about the life of a true Long Islander, here you go. Now, can you please stop asking me questions and making me repeat myself over and over again? Much appreciated.
1. I do not know "The Medium."
Yes, I live like 15 minutes away from her, but Long Island is huge and there are thousands of people living on it.
2. I live on Long Island, not in Long Island.
You can only live on an island. You cannot live in an island. If you live in an island, way to be innovative -- I hope you don't get flooded.
3. Do not comment on my aggressive driving.
In order to drive through the island and the city, you need to be aggressive. If you comment on how aggressive I am while I'm driving, you will be flying out my car door.
4. It's "The City," not "New York City" or "The Big Apple."
5. Do not try and get into an argument with me about which state has the best bagels and pizza.
Just admit the winner is Long Island. New Jersey, you have your Taylor Ham and Pork Roll; Upstate, you have buffalo wings; Pennsylvania, you have cheesesteaks. Get over it.
6. You have an accent and I have an accent, but I don't go around asking you to repeat words.
So stop asking me to say "cawfee," "tawlk," "Lawn-guy-Iand," or anything else.
7. Do not act like we are all stuck-up and rich.
Yes, we have very wealthy towns and I just so happen to live in the area of one, but we do have middle- and lower-class families struggling to make it and keep up with the expense of living here. So do not mock me when I have Starbucks in my hand and Ray Bans on my head.
8. Please do not ask me how to say "Hauppauge," "Quogue," "Massapequa," "Ronkonkoma," "Patchogue" or any other town on Long Island that you cannot pronounce.
9. Do not try to tell me Queens and Brooklyn are not part of this island.
Look at a map, they are.
10. No, I do not know Billy Joel.
Please stop asking me. Yes, I do know people who have met the Piano Man, but I personally do not know him.
11. I am not a beach bum.
Yes, I live on a beach, and Jones Beach is about 30 minutes south, but I'm not consistently sitting on the beach soaking up the sun. Weekends, maybe. And we all don't own a boat!
12. We don't spend our summers at The Hamptons even though you think it's great to ask me time and time again if I do.
And no, I don't know where Scott Disick lived.
13. No, I don't go to the City very often.
Oh, you asked why? Because the cost it would take me to get there is really expensive, and honestly, going to the City is like a once-a-month deal for me.
14. "Oh, you must own a Volkswagen or a Honda, right?" No. Not all of us own Volkswagens or Hondas. I own a fantastic Toyota Rav4. No, I do not go to these "car shows" you speak of, nor do I "pimp out" my car. I have other things to do with my life, like sitting on a beach.
15. I am not from "New York City" or "The Big Apple" -- I am from Long Island.
We have trees and houses. Stop assuming I am from the City. There's more to New York, look at a map once in a while.
16. We all don't act like the "Real Housewives of New York," "Princesses of Long Island," "The Medium," or "Mob Wives."
So please, please, please stop comparing me to them.
