In high school, I was extremely self conscious about how much acne I had on my face. I always thought people were staring at me because my face was just so ugly and covered in scars.
It got so bad that I eventually went to the dermatologist in an attempt fix my acne problem, but what I was really looking to fix was my self-confidence.
After many rounds of medication, washes, and creams, my acne finally went away and I had the clear face I always wanted.
You’d think I would be happy, but I wasn’t. I just had to find the new “self improvement” project to work on.
Trying to make myself look better and trying to “improve myself” was actually hurting me more than helping me. I’d lose sleep looking up Pinterest articles on how to get rid of stretch marks using things I had at home.
I’d try so many things and nothing ever worked. There was nothing I could do, and I felt so helpless. This is when I realized I needed an attitude change.
In the search for perfect skin, I was always tempted to try and get rid of my stretch marks, but then I realized they show how I have evolved into the person I am today.
Why was I trying to change myself every chance I got? When I was always trying to fix my imperfections, I had no other time to do anything else. I’d go to school, go home, and then worry about how I thought other people saw me and do it all again the next day.
I have gone through periods of rapid weight gain and then rapid weight loss in the past, but now that I am at a point where I have had a pretty stable weight for quite some time, I have seen what the past has done to my body.
At first, when I saw my stretch marks, I hated them. I wanted to go buy high waisted shorts, pants, and even high waisted bathing suits. I’d buy bigger clothes than I needed drowning myself in excess cloth and hoping to hide all my insecurities.
I’d stay closed off from the world and never let anyone see my body. I’d even cringe whenever I saw myself in a mirror. There was not a time when I wasn’t thinking about my stretch marks and how they made me feel like a “fat girl”.
Whenever someone grazed my stomach, I would instinctively pull away because who would want to see how monstrous and ugly I was under all of my clothes?
It took a lot for me to listen to people when they said I looked good in tighter clothes or when they said I could pull off wearing a bikini.
When people started posting under the #loveyourlines hashtag, I began to realize how many people had stretch marks. It became something that I saw as more natural and less terrifying, and watching that many people embrace who they were helped me learn to love my marks and who I am.
My stretch marks are like a map of the journey my body has been on as I have gotten more and more comfortable in my own skin, and I am now here to embrace them.
