Growing up, I've always struggled with my weight. It's not some undercover secret though back then I used to fashion myself in "disguising" clothing meant to cover up my curves, so I wouldn't offend anyone's pupils with my tummy. I'm going to be frank with you, I didn't like myself. I always felt like I looked like a balloon compared to everyone wherever I went. Being plus size, coupled with depression and anxiety is never a good mix. I always felt like I couldn't have my hair a certain way, wear makeup, or clothes I really liked because I would appear "fatter."

The only time I remember feeling fit for society (with the exception of being in the womb or preschool) was when I was about 15. I remember going to my first prom on my birthday, I was a princess in my head.

(Prom 2012)

I also how I got to that weight. I did nothing but walk, eat granola bars, and sleep. I was a granola zombie. I remember gaining all the weight back and feeling devastated. I felt like my life was over. I continued the cycle of binge eating under the cloak of night, crying at the number on the scale, and once again eating whatever I could find.

Life kept happening, I would put more and more stress on myself, but wouldn't take the time to put in the hard work, because I didn't feel like anything would happen. "Why bother, when I'll still gain the weight?" That was the internal thought spiraling in my mind, along with it's good friends "you're not worthy" and "YOOOOO, that chocolate cake, EAT IT, you'll feel fulfilled and enlightened, my dude."

Then my mom, the person who I look up to made a huge lifestyle change. She lost a lot of weight by clean eating.

Now she looks more like a younger sister than a mother:

She lost so much weight, and though I was ecstatic for her, I felt like a huge failure. Of course, this wasn't her fault, she was being an amazing example. She works two jobs, took time to plan her meals, buy healthy foods, and cooked even when she was exhausted. All while looking flawless. In my mind, I couldn't achieve that. All I could do was continue to "disappoint" someone who I hold up very high on the totem pole. I just wanted to wallow, and escape from the pain. I wanted solace from my drug: food.

I entered college heavier than I had ever been in my whole life. Though, I have had whispers that I need to get my life together and interventions more times than you can count on two hands. It wasn't until the past few months that I really learned how to fix myself. I motivate you to adopt some of these phrases into your mantra:

1. I need to accept myself.

2. I need to love myself.

3. I need to lose weight for myself, not others.

4. I need to realize I am beautiful.

5. I need to let go of toxic people.

6. I need to accept the love of those around me.

7. I need to remember I'm not perfect.

8. I need to not let words break me, but motivate me.

9. I need to remember the scale does not define me.

10. I can wear whatever I want no matter my size.

Now, I know what you're looking for: results. A collage of this huge metamorphosis I've been through. Perhaps some pictures of me at the gym, or 40 pounds lighter. I'm still on my journey, and I'm happy to report I have lost 24 pounds since I've started. The scale fluctuates here and there, and sometimes I really struggle with believing the list, but I remember everyone has a beginning, and if we don't appreciate the journey, how will we ever appreciate the destination. Though, I have started to follow number 10.

I didn't care how fat my face looked or how "unattractive" I appeared to the world. I was so happy and had to embrace number 1, 2, and 4 to even post this picture on my social media.

I challenge you to go outside of your comfort zone. Whether it's wearing bright red lipstick or posting a picture of you in the craziest outfit you can dream of, do it. Don't let the way you view yourself, prevent you from wearing what you want to wear. You're fan-flippin-tastic, so show the world who you want to be. I'm with you comrade, I've started my own revolution by sporting purple lipstick and mermaid tights.

I wish you luck in your own #Hellalution (Hella+Revolution)