We practice humanitarianism. We act in solidarity with underserved communities to fight for justice. But what I’ve overlooked are our daily habits that stand in the way of dismantling systems of oppression, like shaming women in conversations. I’m talking about the “jealous girlfriend” babble that needs to stop. This is today’s PSA.
To be in solidarity with women and all beings, you need to stop calling her “jealous girlfriend”. It’s not just talking smack. This term supports sexism through gendered, exclusionary language. Not to mention that it just hurts to be labeled negatively.
Look. It’s not our fault for spewing hate speech. It persists because the Patriarchy teaches us sexism in many ways. Recognizing this is the beginning of the end of this Patriarchy. So let’s start destroying it together ;)
How to begin breaking apart the system is to notice the system exists, analyze its parts, and question everything. We must research where it comes from, when it’s made up, and when it’s real. The, we must learn how to accept feelings of jealousy, how to cope with them, how to heal, and how to end the stigma of jealousy. We cannot be ashamed for judging jealousy or for feeling it, but we cannot ignore our duty in stopping sexist remarks.
“But she’s so jealous! I have no idea why he/she/they date her.” When this happens, replace judgment with understanding. Remember that “jealous” has been exploited by hegemonies to dehumanize women, like in the media, or by that guy whose ego got bruised, or by your crush with the “psycho jealous girlfriend”. Because of stereotypes we are trained to identify women as illogically hypersensitive before we think of a man (in heteronormative views) as flawed in situations of conflict. This is how language can either hurt us or help us within the movement.
Sometimes jealousy that is talked about is felt, and this should not be shamed. It’s a human experience with many potential causes. It may exist because of the double standards of sexuality between men and women. Males are encouraged to be selfish and fulfill needs (no matter their relationship status) while women are put in danger if they practice these same behaviors whether single or not. So, dating a man in societies where their sexual explorations are protected is a scary thing. It’s natural to get jealous when the system is working for them to be sexual and when women are thinking more maternally biologically as well. Or maybe a male partner is loyal and it's just love that makes a woman feel jealous. Love is an ecstatic all consuming experience and jealousy may be an inevitable consequence of the divine.
I was a jealous girlfriend twice and what I now recognize is that my past cognitions made me feel this way, but systematic oppression invalidated my feelings as illegitimate. Maybe you’ve felt this too? Let’s reclaim the “jealous girlfriend” stereotype and break-up with the Patriarchy.
