“Stop searching for your soulmate.” It sounds cynical, I get it. I’m not writing this to dissuade you from the idea that you’ll find someone incredible – that’s not my end goal. What I want is to help those overly idealistic, I-am-connected-to-another-being’s-soul-and-will-not-accept-anything-else folks because they’ll struggle to find real happiness.

Now buckle up and prepare yourself for some tough love.

We always talk about the idea of having a soulmate, that one person who connects to you in every single way. An understanding being who knows your ticks, your joys, your dreams, and all aspects of your being without having to try. You stay awake into the wee hours of the mornings because spending your time with them hardly feels like time at all. With every obstacle you face, they know the exact words to say. It’s like dating a psychic who is solely devoted to you.

Your soulmate never says the wrong thing. Your soulmate is your best friend, your “other half” (in another PSA I’ll describe my issues with that phrase), and without them you are an incomplete life form destined for the misery of singledom. Life is hard without your soulmate.

Except soulmates DO NOT EXIST. For the love of everything, there is not one special person the universe specifically created for you. There is no special story written in the stars in which you will find your long lost love, marry, raise children, and tragically die surrounded by his or her wrinkly embrace. As much as you want to believe another person is out there, specifically crafted by the cosmos to meet your needs, that’s not the case.

If you stay glued to this notion that there is one person for you, you will never find happiness. I mean, let’s look at the real picture here. After consulting the US Census page, I found that there are approximately 20 million men near my age group in America alone. How can fate expect me to find this human being, unless it magically brought him into my life? Otherwise, I would have to meet around 68 people per day over the course of 80 years to find “The One.”

I mean, how can you expect someone to be perfect for you when you’re hardly perfect for yourself? That’s right. Sometimes you screw up your own life by procrastinating, by talking down on yourself, or even by saying something hurtful in a fit of anger. It’s painfully stupid to think that there’s someone out there who will be better for you than you are for yourself. ‘Cause, you know, you are yourself, and you should be the best thing possible for yourself because you are yourself.

So brace yourself because you’re going to someday find someone you love who messes up. I’m not saying you should condone asshole behaviors (I knew a girl who forced a guy to unfriend certain friends on Facebook before they could begin dating), but lots of people will make mistakes within the realm of reason. That’s something you and your partner will have to learn to handle.

If you’re still convinced that there’s a soulmate out there for you, I wish you well. I hope you don’t sabotage other incredible relationships because you’re waiting for some sign from the universe that will tell you, “YES. THIS IS THE PERSON. THE SOULMATE. THE SOULMATE FOR YOU.”

Don’t settle on someone who doesn’t bring happiness to your life, but don’t write someone off because you think that somewhere, maybe, there’s someone out there who could do it better. If you constantly try to find something “better,” you’ll never find happiness in your life.

The cool part is that YOU CAN STILL FIND LOVE. (Did she really say that?!) Yes, you can really, truly, absolutely find love, unless you’re a horribly rude person who finds pleasure in bringing others pain. In which case, you will be hard pressed to find someone who can tolerate you. I can say with conviction that there are tons of great men and women out there searching for a relationship. As a happy gal who recently celebrated 3.5 years with her love, I can assure you that soulmates aren’t the be-all-end-all. No, my boyfriend’s not the only human being I could have chosen, and we aren’t perfect together, but I love him to pieces despite his tendency to snore in my face.

It isn’t a matter of, “We are bound and it’s game over because you must be the most perfect person I will ever meet.” Instead, it’s “We are both imperfect humans, but we have found one another and will work every day to improve ourselves and our relationship.” There’s something romantic about an active commitment to love someone. Love isn’t some blinding emotion that leaves you unable to comprehend reality but it is a decision in which you devote your time to something that is outside yourself, which I find beautiful.

To quote one of my favorite authors, “Anyone can love a thing because. That's as easy as putting a penny in your pocket. But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.” (Thanks, Patrick Rothfuss.)

Loving something despite their imperfections and despite their lacking title of “SOULMATE” is awesome. So go out there and find some normal yet kind people who are ready to love you and your weird qualities!!!!!