Sometimes we forget to love ourselves enough to know when to stop saying sorry. There’s obviously nothing wrong with owning up to your actions and asking for forgiveness, but sometimes we fall into a pit of apologies and can’t stop. Most times, this is a side-effect of loneliness. We get so caught up in our love for someone and our fear of being alone that we apologize even when we’re the one who’s been wronged.
We find ourselves weak and vulnerable, so we take the blame for everything just to keep people by our side. We need to relearn how to love ourselves enough to know when to stop. We need to learn that it’s not okay to apologize when we’ve been wronged just because we know the other person won’t apologize. We need to start putting our own well-being before that of others.
We are not being selfish by refusing to over-apologize. We are being strong. It’s not about pride, it’s not about assuming an attitude of “if he doesn’t speak to me, I won’t speak to him.” It’s not never apologizing again or doing as you please until the other says sorry. This is an act of defiance against ourselves. We need to be brave enough to tell ourselves we’ve had enough.
If someone has hurt you deeply, don’t say you’re sorry just because you miss them. Don’t look for minute details and little mistakes that you can apologize for in the hopes of getting in apology that will heal your hurting. Stop over-analyzing your every move until you find a flaw within yourself that might have led that person to hurt you the way they did. Stop making excuses for those who’ve broken you.
Again, I’m not suggesting that we negate our own actions. Did we fail them too? Then apologize, but don’t degrade yourself by taking on their share of the blame too. Were they maybe in a bad mood? We can be forgiving, but not to the extent where we have to make up elaborate backstories to explain their hurtful behavior. Do they never say sorry? Then be a big enough person to accept your missteps without allowing theirs to trample all over you.
We sometimes need to stop and take a look at things from a different perspective. The fact that some is our friend, they make us laugh, they love us – none of those are excuses for their behavior. We might love them, but we need to love ourselves too. We need to learn to forgive even without an apology, but we also need to learn where to draw a line.
Don’t drain yourself looking for explanations to the inexplicable. Your love for someone will take you far, but don’t let it take you to a place where you forget to love yourself. Apologize wholeheartedly and forgive the same way, but don’t cast your own feelings aside for someone who disregards them. You are not to blame for everything; you are not always at fault, so love yourself enough to not over-apologize.
