As a society, we’re slowly beginning to deconstruct the once-precious adage that “boys will be boys.”

Yet this shift is noticeably lagging in casual conversations about heterosexual dating. It’s incredibly common for women and girls to be held to entirely different romantic standards than men and boys. Even smart, savvy women often throw up their hands and decide that dating men is simply difficult, because men are difficult.

But this is not normal. Or rather, it is normalized, but it is not okay.

Being ignored because your boyfriend consistently prioritizes his friends or even other women over you? Not okay.

Having to act as his mother, picking up after him and nagging him all the time? Not okay.

Being unable to pin down a concrete relationship status because your would-be-boyfriend refuses to use labels while still expecting exclusivity? Not okay.

Having to tiptoe around feminine issues, whether they be the existence of tampons or the existence of a wage gap? Not okay.

Being expected to learn about all of his favorite activities but being told yours are too “girly” (read: insignificant) for the favor to go both ways? Not okay.

Always having to be the one who initiates conversations, dates, and affectionate gestures? Not okay.

We can all agree that men as a class of beings treat women terribly. But if you are ever in a relationship with an individual man who does not in every way contradict this pattern, dump him.

Do not be fooled into believing that dating someone should mean intense personal sacrifice. It shouldn’t.

But straight women are groomed to expect emotionally draining partners. And when you assume no better alternative exists, you accept whatever you get. You might even be grateful for it, because you do know worse alternatives exist; at least he’s only dismissive of your feelings instead of physically abusive.

But your standards for a healthy, happy relationship get to be much higher than “he doesn’t hit me.” Actually, they get to be much higher than “he doesn’t ignore me.”

Because better alternatives do exist. We’re just too steeped in sexist double standards to demand them.

While women are expected to be attentive and compassionate by default, and thus are never credited for displaying these characteristics even when doing so requires significant effort, men are expected to be emotionally detached. So a female partner acting distant is a sign she’s frigid, but the same behavior from a male partner is business as usual.

This is, of course, unfair to everybody involved—men deserve to be emotionally expressive without stigma—but it is especially taxing for women.

And it breaks my heart to see young girls fretting about whether their boyfriends will ever text them back, or whether their boyfriends will deign to kiss them in front of other boys, or whether they will get dumped for gaining weight or declining pushy sexual overtures.

Let’s all agree to jettison this bizarre remnant of the bygone “boys will be boys” era.

If your partner isn’t enthusiastic about you and your relationship, dump him. If he expects more from you than he himself is willing to give, dump him. If he pressures you to change yourself—if he pressures you at all, ever, about anything you do not want to do—dump him.

If your relationship is like navigating a tightrope, but he’s watching from the ground with a tub of popcorn while you struggle to get across it, dump him.

He doesn’t deserve you. But there are guys who might.

The good ones do exist. And you deserve one of the good ones. Don’t settle for anything less, no matter what society says.