Many women today, if not all, struggle with their own insecurities. I am the poster woman for not being able to run away from my flaws and counting the ways I wish I could be different.
I keep it all inside most of the time, but when I am feeling extra down, I will vent to my friends. Or I'll post a "throwback" picture on social media of my slightly thinner body or a good makeup day and caption it "I used to be cute."
It doesn't take long until I get the dreaded phrase. "Stop it, you're gorgeous/beautiful/perfect." And that is all. I may seem ungrateful or rude when I say this, but that is not my intention. Sometimes I want to delve into why I'm feeling the way I feel. I want whoever I'm talking to acknowledge what I'm saying, and not just focus on getting a stamp on your good friend card.
I'm not saying that you're a bad friend if you tell me this. Actually, you're very sweet and uplifting and it means the world. However, it sometimes can be counterproductive. It makes me want to fight you on it since I already feel so strongly. I want to feel my feelings without thinking I'm being shut up.
When I vent to you about how I feel I'm overweight or unattractive, I am not fishing for a compliment. If "Stop It, You're Beautiful" fixed all of my insecurities just like that, heck, I would have started loving myself years ago. That's unfortunately not how it works.
I know YOU think I look better than I can see. I don't necessarily want to hear that right now, because I won't believe it. For example, I would love if someone said, "Okay, I hear you. I'm sorry you feel that way. What is something you could do to better yourself, mentally or physically?" Or even "Even if on days you struggle with your appearance, remember that I'm here for you and I'm here to remind you on how much I love you or how you make me smile all of the time."
I don't know if anyone else out there has felt frustrated instead of helped when you hear people say this to you. In case anyone has, I understand the battle of wanting to hear praise and also hating it. It's a battle of desperately wanting to be liked while also constantly feeling like people are lying to you.
Self-hatred issues and poor body image are tough boulders to move on your own. If you're comfortable, reach out when it gets overwhelming. Your friends want to help and you're never a burden on them. Don't let your anxiety trick you. You are loved, you are admired, you are respected.
Be honest if something in your life isn't helping you cope. Speak your mind! It helps your support system, and you most of all. "Stop It, Be Honest!"
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