Before reading further, I need to give a disclaimer. When I am writing about insecurities, I am in no way enabling or promoting an unhealthy lifestyle, obsessive pessimism or saying it is okay to fish for compliments. So please, while reading, keep in mind I am talking about the little things, not the more serious, consuming issues.
Something that has been appearing in my life recently is insecurity shaming, or as how I’m defining it as, "being judged for being insecure, or not feeling allowed to voice legitimate insecurities."
It doesn’t matter how confident you are—you will feel some sort of insecurity. Just because we label people as "beautiful" or "skinny" it doesn’t mean they’re "perfect." Actually, they’re far from it. It's important to realize that whatever label someone might have, they're normal too, and they should be given the space and sympathy to express their honest feelings—even if it goes against the label given to them.
So what am I saying? We need to stop bashing people for feeling insecure.
Why? Because no one is 100 percent secure in themselves; it can’t exist because we are flawed humans.
Why does this whole insecurity shaming thing matter? Because people should be able to openly express how they feel, without having to worry about being subject to criticism.
Supermodel Chrissy Teigen, as famous as she is for repeatedly appearing in Sports Illustrated Swim—especially the 50th Anniversary cover in 2014—has also famously been recognized for voicing her insecurities. Now why on earth would a beautiful and sexy celebrity who is married to one of music's most well-known R&B singer, John Legend, be insecure when she poses perfectly in barely-there bikinis? Because she's normal.
She has flaws, bumps, bruises and stretch marks just like the rest of us, and she isn't afraid to openly admit that. And instead of being mad at Teigen for complaining about what society and Photoshop have dubbed as a "perfect" body, we should empathize with her, realizing it's okay to feel a little down.
I get really frustrated when I feel like I can’t openly express how I feel.
I’m not trying to be pessimistic. I’m not fishing for compliments. I’m not digging for your pity. I am being open and honest with how I’m feeling at a particular moment.
Remember, this is feeling insecure, not being and acting on that insecurity. For example, it’s joking about having a food baby and admitting to feeling a little chubbier—rather than developing an eating disorder or any other equivalent unhealthy response—when feeling unhappy about how your body looks. It is okay to rest in that feeling for a moment.
So the next time one of your "skinny" friends complains she's feeling a little bigger and her pants are a little tighter, or your "pretty" friend complains about acne, or your "athletic" friend complains about having a bad game—even if they're the best on the team—don't just tell them to shut up.
Any response is better than putting someone down because that will only make them insecure about being insecure. No one wants to feel like they are being shamed and can't open up.
Figure out the type of response that best fits them and go from there.
For example, one of my friends said when she feels her pants fitting a little too snug, she feels better by being encouraged to go to the gym. However, if you responded to me that way I would get really upset. I want someone to pig out with me and embrace the way I'm feeling.
It is okay to feel insecure—not to obsess about it to the point where it leads to destruction, but rather be able to feel comfortable opening up about little doubts one might have. We're all human, and we should be listening to one another rather than putting someone down just because they're not living up to a label we give to them.
