We've all done it. We've all gotten to a point in our lives where we feel discouraged, helpless, or not good enough. In these moments we often compare ourselves to others, torturing ourselves with the idea that they have something we do not. Whether it be because someone got something you wanted over you or succeeded where you failed, comparison between yourself and that person will rear its ugly head. This is an all too common thought process, especially with young people. A lot of pressure is put on young people (by parents, teachers, society, etc.) to meet standards that tend to be dangerously close to perfection. As we all know, perfection doesn't exist--does it?
Of course it doesn't, yet with this knowledge in mind so many people still find themselves comparing their accomplishments and life choices with others'. While there's nothing wrong with looking at other people's lives and actions and learning from them, beating yourself down because you didn't do the same isn't going to do you any good. In fact, it'll do nothing but bad. Psychotherapist and life coach Daniela Tempesta wrote an article for The Huffington Post on the topic of comparing yourself to others. She claimed that "being hard on ourselves actually zaps motivation and decrease goal completion." This is interesting, considering the fact that many people believe that they need to be hard on themselves in order to succeed. It may be true that a little tough love could go a long way, but that is very different than over thinking and over analyzing so much that you find yourself unable to stop. "If you really want to live a life that feels fulfilling you need to dedicate your time and energy to your own values," Tempesta says in response to her claim. I agree wholeheartedly, because why dedicate your time and energy to such negative actions towards yourself?
Tempesta also points out that comparison is a losing battle, which is very true. Being hard on yourself will only result in an endless cycle of being hard on yourself. No matter what you do, there will always be someone out there better than you at what you're doing (or at least someone you perceive to be better). This makes for you to constantly be fighting a battle that is impossible to win. How can you win a battle that will never end? The answer is you won't. The answer is you need to step away from the battle and start a revolution.
The revolution? Letting yourself be happy. As Theodore Roosevelt said, "Comparison is the thief of joy." My biggest mistake with comparing myself so harshly with others was that I considered their accomplishments MY personal failures. The truth is that no one is moving at the same time, the same pace, or the same way. Everyone has their own agenda, and that's perfectly find. It is a concept I am still struggling to come to terms with
It isn't easy to "just be happy." I know this. It's taken me years to actually begin to give myself some credit when I have done something I'm proud of rather than immediately comparing it with someone else. Going into one of the most competitive and difficult careers, I understand the pressures to meet perfection. It has gnawed away at my happiness and self worth for as long as I can remember. Once I finally realized that that was not okay, I was able to begin my self journey to acceptance of who I am and what I do.
That's what I believe a good first step is: acknowledgement. Once you've acknowledged something you can begin taking the steps to maintain it. The need to compare yourself will never go away; it's in our nature. However, the ability to ignore those self-deprecating thoughts and replace them with pride for yourself and all you've accomplished can be developed. Our society teaches us that it's wrong to be self-indulged or too happy for oneself. I'm not talking about being arrogant or self-absorbed, but taking some pride in who you are and the great things about you is necessary in feeling good about yourself. I want to express this message especially to young girls, since unfortunately they are so often the target of self-worthlessness in our society. In short, don't erase your accomplishments, no matter how small. Embrace how extraordinary you are. There's nothing wrong with that.
