“A girl doesn’t need anyone who doesn’t need her.”
I saw this quote on a poster in a home décor store when I was in middle school. Spoken by the famous Marilyn Monroe, this saying stuck with me. But I didn’t truly experience what this quote meant until my senior year of high school.
At the end of senior year, you begin to realize who your real friends are. You begin to differentiate who your best friends are from the people your friends with just because you see them every day.
That’s where effort comes in.
You notice who invites you to hang out, who goes out of their way to keep up with what’s going on in your life, and who is willing to put in the effort to keep you in their life. The friends who don’t stick around for the long run tend to put in less effort and make the friendship feel like it's based more off of convenience rather than a desire for your company.
Now, don’t get me wrong. We all know friendship is a two-way street. If it was someone I felt was worth keeping in my life, I always made the effort. But after a few failed attempts at showing them I was trying to include them in my life, I stopped.
It’s not because I don’t care or love them. It’s not because I’m angry at them for not returning the favor. I just don’t have the time to waste on someone who doesn’t want to spend any time on me. I’m not saying my friends have to drop their busy lives to make time for me. Trust me, I’m always on the run and always busy with something. But I still make time to at least shoot my friends a text and let them know I’m thinking about them and ask how their lives are going. We make plans for when we’re free. We still make a consistent effort, despite the excuses we could give about our fast paced lives.
For those who don’t put in the effort when I try to, I leave the ball in their court. If they want to come back into my life, and stay in my life, I leave the opportunity open for them. But, I do not wait on them. I don’t weep over their non-existence in my life. They made it clear that I am not a priority at this time. They displayed that they don’t have a need for me. Therefore, I will not create a need for them.
We go off to college. Friends move away, find other friends, and begin to shape into the people they want to be. The effort a friendship needs becomes more difficult. When you don’t see someone every day, you begin to realize who is worth missing. And your friends go through this realization too. If it's a true friendship, both of you will put in the effort needed to keep each other around.
I am not trying to be negative or make you paranoid that your friends aren’t your real friends. It’s just a lesson of life. I am a firm believer in quality over quantity in everything. Weeding out the people who aren’t worth your time will give you so much more appreciation for the people who choose to stay in your life.
But, if someone is willing to give you the time you deserve, can put in enough effort to make you a priority, and want you badly enough, you are always welcome to give them a chance.
Always remember, you are never obligated to give someone a second of your time even if they gave you time in the past. You don’t owe to make anyone in your life a priority who won’t make you a priority in theirs. You don’t need the wasted time and effort. You are worth more than just being that “convenient” friend. You don’t need anyone who doesn’t need you.
And you deserve to be needed.
