Close your eyes and think back to 2012. My sun and stars, moon of my life, Barack Hussein Obama, was running for reelection, and, despite the Republican-controlled House and Senate, or the fact that I couldn't vote, I so was ready to move "Forward."
Riled up as a staunch Obama-worshipping Democrat (even though sometimes I told people I was Independent to seem more open-minded), all the Republican candidates only existed in the peripherals of political vision, irrelevant.
After that year's Iowa Caucus, the Newts and the Hermans returned to the conservative dust from whence they came, but there was one formidable GOP candidate that stood standing, unrelenting, and his name is a useful kitchen glove.
Mitt.
Not just a Mormon man with family values, according most FOX "News" reporters, he was "just what this country needs." Conservatives described him as some sort of Reagan Reloaded. But I described him as literal garbage.
Hailing from Utah and born into entitlement, Mitt Romney was the worst Republican candidate I could imagine. He lived and breathed white privilege, he flip-flopped on cornerstone social and fiscal policies, he patronized the working class, and, most offensive of all, he regularly wore mom-jeans.
Remember the video that destroyed his entire campaign? Well, I remember the day it was released with sweet revelry. It was the day my suspicions were validated, and, mind you, I was a girl who rarely got to say she was right in her debate class, so very important day.
"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what," said Romney. "So my job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them that they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."
Ah, remember the day when that, a slightly rude dismissal of certain voters, was considered campaign political scandal? That visual receipt was used to demonize Romney with every quote splice, meme and occasional rap battle.
Best rap verse about Romney "So rich and white it's like I'm talking to a cheesecake."
In hindsight, his comments really weren't that bad, but 2012 was a year of naivete for us all.
When you open your eyes, you will realize that the year is 2016. 2-0-1-6, and this year's GOP presidential candidates have openly said bigoted, racist, sexist, and straight up crazy comments on the record.
These are some of my favorite (and, honestly, least outright offensive) comments.
Carly Fiorina
"Unlike another woman in this race," *figurative side eye to Hillary*, "I actually love spending time with my husband."
Ben Carson
"Obamacare is really, I think, the worst thing that has happened in this nation since slavery."
Ted Cruz
"We need 100 more like Jesse Helms in the U.S. Senate." (Helms viciously opposed civil rights and tried to prevent Martin Luther King Day from being recognized as a federal holiday).
Donald Trump
"You could see there was blood coming out of her eyes. Blood coming out of her… wherever."
"I have a great relationship with the blacks. I’ve always had a great relationship with the blacks."
"I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her."
Watching a GOP debate, an event which typically used to be boring as hell, is now as petty, crazy and dramatic as a telenovela.
Worse still, this offensive rhetoric isn't hurting their individual campaigns (except maybe Ben Carson's). This bigotry is the foundation of their rallied support.
When I watch these debates, I laugh and retweet funny memes, but that's only to keep from crying.
During this years Iowa Caucus, I found myself looking at the numbers wishing- no, praying- for Ted Cruz to win.
"Wacko Bird" Ted Cruz. "Green Eggs and Ham" Ted Cruz.
If that's not a sign the end is nigh, I don't know what is. Well, maybe the fact that Marco Rubio sounds like the most reasonable Republican candidate compared to everyone else- that's apocalyptic.
I've been thinking about the people I've hurt lately (in politics), and I realized that I had no right to disrespect Mitt Romney (or some of his supporters) the way I did.
Yes, I don't agree with with most of his policies, nor with those of his party, but at least he kept his internalized racism to himself. At least I could trust him with managing our foreign relations tactfully. At least I knew that he would not strip away my rights. Or deport my friends.
Yes, I critiqued Romney for being too flip-floppity on platform, but maybe that just intimated his willingness to compromise. Is that really the worse thing to be?
If you're reading this Mitt (and of course you're reading this), forget what I said about moving to Canada if you became president. I was only seventeen, young and sweet.
I take it all back. Even that bit about your mom jeans and Paul Ryan's exercise regime.
I'm so sorry for saying that your presidency would take progress on race relations back 50 years. Sure, you probably wouldn't have moved things "forward", but things would have been okay I suppose.
It's not too late to enter the race, right? I would give anything for you to just reconsider. Yes, you're rich and white, but I've always really liked cheesecake.
I'm not saying I'd vote for you over Hillary (even though she's problematic as hell) or anything, but I need you to step up. I need you to stride of to Washington D.C ASAP and save the GOP from ruin.
And on your way there, please give John McCain my sincerest apologies for calling his immigration policies "archaic" back in 2008. I was only a sixth grader.
