Now, don't take any of this personally, over the years I've gathered these thoughts from myself and other non-social media people. Everyone is different and blanket statements don't speak for everyone. (Duh.)
You're a little vain.
This specifically goes out to people who post daily selfies or mundane status updates. There's nothing wrong with wanting to take selfies or let people know that you just made a bombin' pot roast, but when you're doing it all the time it doesn't cast you in the best light. I love my dad (hi, Dad), but he's become obsessed with taking selfies, to the point where he cut his head open on some lobster (don't ask) and decided medical attention is secondary and that posting a Facebook update was his top priority.
You're addicted to your phone.
As someone who uses their phone for phone calls and text messaging only, it's a little bizarre to think that other people actively, continuously post updates or scroll through their news feeds. My phone instantly dies if I'm not on power saving mode, so the fact that my mom and sister can spend hours liking things on Facebook or Instagram is mind-boggling. It's also a little problematic that when we go out to dinner I'm the only one not on my phone.
Your interest in friendship is a little shallow.
When you have hundreds upon hundreds of "friends" on social media, it takes some value away from the concept. It's sort of like people who say "I love you" every other sentence, overuse leads to a loss of value. Now, I know it's a little arbitrary, it isn't like you can control what social media called people you add, after all. It's just bizarre to think that you can "know" so many people. What's the point in having so many friends?
You're all about that tea.
You're probably a gossip and you have access to intelligence into all the passive-aggressive and aggressive-aggressive drama that's going on, and boy, do we love that about you because we're all a little petty. You probably know beef between a lot of people, and your dedication to such a task is deeply appreciated!
You're some sort of an extrovert, digitally, if not in person too. It means you're a lot of fun and can hold a pretty good conversation. You're genial, as weird as it is to think that you've got hundreds of friends online, it isn't surprising. Without a doubt, you've earned those people's "accept friend requests."
You've got early access to genuine and fake news.
News, real and otherwise, always seems to spread through social media in a lightning-fast fashion. As obnoxious as fake news can be, the outlandish things some people spread are highly meme-able, and can summon genuine laughs from people who're sharp enough to know that the information is fake.
You know the best places to visit.
We fully believe that you know the best restaurants to eat at, the best recreational places to visit, and the details to any parties that are going on. You may not, but we view you as an encyclopedia of such things.