If you think you can't, you won't. If you know you can, you will. Getting over someone is never easy, especially when you don't have the understanding that you CAN do it. It just takes time to find your new "normal."

For so long I was in a position where everything I did was based off of what someone else wanted or expected. I was constantly afraid that I was going to disappoint my significant other because of what I said or did, or didn't do.

There was no peace or happiness for years, regardless of what I told myself. To be clear, this was not necessarily his fault or mine, we just weren't right for each other. Thankfully the relationship came to a dramatic end, but the emptiness only got worse, way worse, before it got better.

1. What Now?

After finally escaping this toxic relationship you think I would've felt free. Wrong. I felt more trapped than ever. Because my life was controlled for so long I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I should take a trip to sonic for a root beer, take a nap or go for a drive in the country because if I wasn't back when I was needed to be I would be scorned. But now there was nobody telling me when and what to do and I felt lost. I felt more confused than ever. What now?

2. Social Interactions? No, Thanks.

When I finally mustered up the courage, after months of sulking in my sadness, to go out and put myself back into the real world, that meant I had to talk to people. What would I say? Would I say the right thing? What should I wear? Before, I had someone to tell me when I should talk, if at all and what to say and how to act.

How was I supposed to make these "life-changing" decisions alone? My social skills had been neglected for so long that at this point I became terrified and anxious and wanted that toxicity back, I begged for it back. Thank God my prayers weren't answered.

3. Making My Own Decisions

The biggest turning point in this healing process was understanding that my life is my own. The decisions that would affect my life were my choice and my choice only. If I wanted to go out and talk to a stranger and stay out until 4 a.m. I could, or if I wanted to sit and watch an entire season of Grey's Anatomy on Netflix in one day I could. Basically, nobody defined me anymore. This was so empowering.

4. Realizing Self-Worth

There is nothing more important than understanding how valuable you are. Your mind, body, and soul should be cherished and respected. A toxic relationship takes your self-esteem and flips it. Whether it was the color of my hair, how I smiled or how I slept, it was never good enough. Nearly two years after the relationship has ended and I still struggle with my self-worth, but every day I find something I love about myself that he just couldn't.

5. Putting The Past In Perspective

Obviously, the past was awful, I lost myself, some pieces I may never get back. However, I have had the opportunity to learn from it and see a side of myself that I would've never been able to without the hurt and the healing. I now am able to determine whether someone deserves my soul and my effort or if it's time to let go. In every aspect of my life, I am more aware and much more thankful.

These five steps are not set in stone and they are different for everybody. But I hope that if you are coming out of a toxic relationship and you feel hopeless and lost like I did and sometimes still do, these steps will help you find your new "normal."