Staying Gone
Start writing a post

Leaving isn't the hard part. It's staying gone. No one warns you about the aftermath. Once you've cut off all ties from your toxic relationship, phone numbers deleted, social media accounts unfollowed, venomous words spat — that's only the beginning. Leaving can provide a temporary high. But after the first few days have gone by, and you suddenly tangibly feel the loneliness enclosing around you, the hate begins to fade. Your throat doesn't burn with rage and your hands unravel from tightly clenched fists. Your heart feels a prisoner, trapped in its cage of ribs. Your eyes burn from late nights staring at the ominous black ceiling, cursed by the thought of him. But you did it, you left, you're gone.

So stay gone. Simply leaving is not enough. Don't go back expecting to find your happiness, because that is exactly where you lost it. You don't answer the 3 a.m. phone call, and you delete the voicemail before listening to it. You don't let him visit and you erase from your memory the path to his house. You let yourself be vulnerable.

But now, you have forgotten how to live your life without constant chaos and abrupt feelings. When he was still around, you felt like you were being slapped in the face and kissed so lightly; your skin would burn with rage, and your heart would melt, all in a matter of seconds. So now, hating him is the only way to feed your withdrawal from a world of unpredictability. That was the only normal you have ever known. All you want to do is jump out of your own skin, to escape from your own mind, but you can't. Because that is the only place you still have him.

How could he do that to you? You wanted to succeed with him more than you wanted to breathe. He polluted your mind with lies of love and forever. You convince yourself you're doing better, you're getting over him. You tell yourself that you're living the life that's good for you. But you'll always have that voice in the back of your mind reminding you that you're not as good of a liar as he always was. Nostalgia is a bitch that is notorious for creeping up on you when you thought you were doing just fine. Even worse, it makes things seem way more perfect that they ever were. You're trying to take it day by day, trying to stay gone, but you're struggling.

You long to be your beautiful self again. But how could you when there was nothing beautiful about what he did to you? You start to find yourself crying a lot. But then, you're crying a lot less. And then one day, you don't cry. And then the next day, you don't even want to cry. But that next day never comes if you don't stay gone.

For once, be selfish and listen to yourself. You know what is best for you. You know the best way for you to heal. And you will heal. This won't always consume your life. Make peace with your past. Not because you’re weak, but because that’s what you need to grow. Your modern love was broken, don’t break yourself in the process of trying to save what was already gone. You had to courage to leave, find the strength to stay gone.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

What Your Car's Color Says About Your Personality

Your color choice speaks volumes. It doesn't just emit an image for the car, it also says something about your style and personality! It's a form of self-expression. Are you confident? Are you sophisticated? Are you easy-going? Are you outgoing? Are you practical? As you're reviewing car sites for your next car purchase, what color will you opt for? Find out what certain color choices says about you!

96663

When it comes to car shopping you likely have certain preferences, including what color it should be. Your color choice speaks volumes. It doesn't just emit an image for the car, it also says something about your style and personality! It's a form of self-expression. Are you confident? Are you sophisticated? Are you easy-going? Are you outgoing? Are you practical? As you're reviewing car sites for your next car purchase, what color will you opt for? Find out what certain color choices says about you!

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

30 Songs On My Back-To-School Playlist For Walks To And From Class

Headed back to in-person classes means you need a pretty banging playlist to power you through those walks to class.

85036
Photo by Zen Chung on Pexels

I don't know about you, but I start each day off with a one-mile walk to class. I have to have good tunes flowing through my ears during those 20 minutes, not to mention the walks between classes and the walks home. So, here is my 30 song playlist to get me through this almost unfamiliar concept we call walking to class.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Be Kind to Yourself: 8 Mental Health Tips to Try

One way you can improve your quality of life is to take care of your mental health. As a result, you'll feel less depressed and be able to enjoy spending time with friends and family more often. These mental health tips might be just what you need to forget about your problems.

50057

One way you can improve your quality of life is to take care of your mental health. As a result, you'll feel less depressed and be able to enjoy spending time with friends and family more often. These mental health tips might be just what you need to forget about your problems.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Should You Own An SUV If You Live In A Snowy state?

There are many reasons to own an SUV. If you live in a cold state or a rural area, you will see that owning an SUV is very important.

45878

The gas and oil prices are too high to run in a smaller vehicle. You are better off with an SUV for hauling cargo and driving larger loads around the town. In addition, owning an SUV is more comfortable and safe than driving a smaller vehicle.

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Understanding Why Dog's Lick You

It is a natural instinct for dogs to lick

58079

Why do dogs lick?

Keep Reading... Show less
Facebook Comments