Sometimes we don't have the years we thought we would have. Sometimes we think we have a chance at a fresh start and then things don't go as planned. Going into my freshman year I thought I would have this chance. I thought I could leave everything I knew behind and start over in this new place. The problem is: you can't leave everything behind when you start college. If you had depression or anxiety before you started college those things find a way of slipping into your bags without you noticing. You pack away your regrets, fears, and anxieties without realizing.

Despite trying so hard to pretend like I didn't have these things anymore, they came with me to college and were worse than ever. A year that I wanted so badly to be great ended up not being everything I thought it would be. The end of the year was better than the beginning but I couldn't help feeling like I missed out on something.

With a new school year starting it's important to realize that this could be the fresh start you want. You have to be more prepared than I was. If you want to go off to college and actually be able to start new then you have to handle the things you want to leave behind. You have to find a way to cope with any mental illnesses you have been battling. You have to forgive anyone you're leaving behind; this doesn't mean you have to forget any battles you fought with them, but don't hold onto the grudges anymore. You have to realize what it is about the future that might be scaring you.

If you want to actually have a fresh start, you have to believe you deserve one. And you have to make significant changes; you can't just expect everything to change because you're in a new place. Make changes to how you treat people: be nicer, be more open, but don't let people push you around. Make changes to how you treat yourself: be nice to yourself, eat healthily, and do things that make you happy.

You don't have to be the same person you were last year. It's okay to quit things and it's okay to start something new. It's okay to cut people off and it's okay to make new friends. If you don't change things for yourself then you can't expect anything around you to change. Put a handle on what you need to and the fresh start will come your way.