I never thought this day would come; I'm starting to forget you.
It seems almost impossible to me to have known and loved someone for almost 17 years and be able to forget the sound of their voice after only four years. As the fourth anniversary of your death comes and goes, it breaks my heart to forget what it felt like to be in your arms.
I'm starting to forget the sound of your laugh, the way you smelled, and sometimes, I feel like I forget how much you truly loved me because you're no longer here to physically tell me. I forget the little everyday things.
The guilt that fills my mind is overwhelming. Part of me thinks I am blocking out these things about you because I don't want to miss you. I feel guilty for every moment I spent away from you in the last few months of your life.
The truth is that I do miss you. Even though it's been years, I think about you every day. So many things remind me of you and I talk about you all of the time. You are still very much a part of my life and that's why I think it kills me that I can barely remember the sound of your voice.
Although there are a few things that I feel I am starting to forget, there are so many that I can't forget. I'll always remember the way you made me feel safe and protected. I'll always remember the days you brought me breakfast in bed when I was sick. I'll remember the times you gave me some tough love and the times you held me when I cried. I'll never forget the things you loved and were passionate about. I'll remember the times you'd barbecue for us and the way you loved spending time with your family above everything. When it seems like I can't quite remember the way your smile looked, I know that I can always count on the beautiful memories that can never fade away.
You gave my life meaning and purpose. You told me that you loved me and were proud of me. I live every day hoping to make you proud.
I may be starting to forget the little things, and that scares me more than anything, but I'll always cherish the memories you've given me.
Thank you for teaching me to love life and everything about it. You were my biggest inspiration and greatest role model. I'll love you forever.
