An argument as old as time, or at least a few decades old. It's time to stick a fork in this baby and put it it to rest.

1. Solo rules; Kirk is a tool

Amongst many reasons, Solo…is a…scoundrel…that can form…a coherent…sentence…not…bogged down…by exaggerated…pauses. Half of this falls on William Shatner’s overacting, but it’s friggin’ annoying. Solo, on the other hand, was expertly portrayed by Harrison Ford. Ford skyrocketed Solo to levels of cool that easily trumped the Fonz and taught scores of nerds and ne’er-do-wells that we, too, could win the love of a princess.

Speaking of the last surviving member of Alderaan’s Royal Family…

2. Princess Leia in a bikini

I’ve got to be careful here, for reasons of not wanting to come under blaster fire, but I’ll be plain. I’m a guy. Leia is an awesome and lovely lady. Leia in that golden bikini was a sexual awakening for many young males, myself included\. And she was chained up to a giant slug of an alien? Look out Christian Grey.

Oh, and about that giant slug…

3. Aliens are just cooler in Star Wars

Can we acknowledge for a second that Jabba the Hutt is a giant slug? Yoda, the Grandmaster of the Jedi Order possesses 14(ish) digits, is hardly bigger than E.T., and he’s one of Star Wars's most certifiable bad-asses. Wookies? They’re friggin’ huge and furry and rip arms off for losing an outer space chess game. Aliens in Star Trek are nearly all humanoid otherwise they're some nebulous creatures that are one-offs.

4. Klingons are less intimidating than Karate Kid's Daniel-San

Okay, that's low, but I stand by my assertion. Klingon’s are supposed to be fearsome warriors whose martial prowess is practically unmatched. Yet we regularly see an aging and balding Picard knock one down. I’d like to see Jean-Luc try that stuff on Chewbacca and see how well he fairs. Intimidating beings and/lifeforms exist in Star Trek, but they’re not at all aesthetically cool.

5. Star Wars has Jar Jar, but Star Trek has the Ferengi

There’s only one Jar Jar, and that’s all I’ve got to say about that. Although, I could bring up...

6. The Empire is more intimidating than anything Star Trek offers

Yeah, this is a continuation of my earlier “intimidation” argument, but it warrants it’s own section. When a Star Destroyer flew onto the screen, you despaired for the characters. Even the sight of a Storm Trooper stopped your breath. Vader was scary. The Emperor was pure, unadulterated evil. At least the Borg were ideologically relatable, but they didn’t just blow up a planet just to intimidate a prisoner.

Further fortifying their status as villains of the highest order is the Imperial March, a composition that commands respect and heralds what might very well be your last days in the galaxy.

7. Star Wars ship design trumps Star Trek’s

Aside from an occasional extra warp nacelle, Star Trek ship design is lazy and boring. It’s as if some bright mind decided that slightly altering the position of warp nacelle would fool us into thinking that there was actual creative thought involved.

Also, while there’s an entire alphabet worth of Enterprises waiting to be commissioned, there’s only one Millenium Falcon. That hunk of junk may lack some of the amenities the Enterprises possesses, but I’ll gamble on the Falcon.

8. Lightsabers

The most significant weapon in the Star Trek arsenal is the red matter from J.J. Abrams’ 2009 Star Trek, a film that was heavily inspired by Star Wars according to Abrams. Beyond that, the next cool weapon on my personal list is the Klingon (them again) Bat’Leth, an item that stands no chance against “an elegant weapon from a more civilized age.”

A well-trained youngling could decimate legions of borg with a lightsaber. Just sayin’…

9. Star Wars is more action packed

Not that Star Trek wasn’t enjoyable in its own way, but so much time is spent talking and talking and talking and....(falls asleep)...

10. The Force is slick

Maybe I’m just saying this because I may or may not fantasize about choking people out from afar. But why would I do that?! A Jedi uses the Force for knowledge and defense; never attack.

11. When has there ever been a good Star Trek game?

Star Wars has multiple entries spanning multiple consoles and mediums. Star Trek has how many inspired games that are actually worth playing? Popular game adaptations, like Monopoly or Risk don't count.

12. More iconic music than Star Trek

Not to demean the rather awesome opening tunes to the original series and it’s immediate successor series, but I get down to Star Wars’ score. I get emotional hearing the right melody or I get slightly anxious hearing the wrong one. John William’s Star Wars theme can amp me up like very few things can.

So, there you have it. I could go on, but I'm sure any true blue trekkie reading this is frothing at the mouth and cursing me with ancient Klingon.

Note: I wrote this purely for comedic and antagonistic purposes. In no way do I want to offend any dumb trekkie and make them run to the safe confines that is their parents' basement. Also, no tribbles were hurt in the creation of this article, although I wouldn't abusing a few.