Being perpetually single throughout my nineteen years has raised some questions as to why from curious individuals. Trust me, I ask myself the same thing. It’s not like I’m not trying to put myself out there, trust me.
The bothersome thing isn’t even my steady relationship status of not having one. The bothersome thing is being told I’m too picky. I’ve heard this all too often from a wide variety of people trying to dissect my brain and figure out how to find me a boyfriend.
I get where people are coming from when they say this. They’re trying to push me to have a more open mind, which can’t be a bad thing. I have an open mind, but I maintain standards. Everyone does. We all create images in our head of what the perfect companion would look like to us; a mold that no one person will ever fit. I understand no one is perfect; I am not looking for perfect.
My standards aren’t astronomically high. I aim for a connection and kindness. I aim for a boy who will respect me. I aim for human decency, none of which are too much to ask for. When you tell me I’m too choosy, I start to question these few standards I set for myself, which turns into a damaging cycle.
Trust me, if I could tell you exactly why I’ve been single my whole, must I add, a relatively short life, I would. I have the entire rest of my life to not be single, so really even though I complain sometimes, I don't mind. Or maybe if I could tell you, I wouldn’t be single? I’m not entirely sure, but I will tell you one thing, I’m at ease with having my standards considered too strict if society has set the bar lower than me.
Don’t ask me to lower my standards. My standards are set where they are for a reason. I have to protect myself from several dangers; heartbreak creeps or breaking someone else’s heart. If you bring up someone you think I would match well with, and I’m not interested, don’t push me relentlessly.
To be respected, we must welcome respect. Stop romanticizing human decency. It lowers the bar tremendously.
We have to raise the bar back up a little higher, so girls like me, who decide not to pursue someone we have no interest in are not deemed “picky.” There stands a difference between picky girls and self-respecting women.
When someone wonders why they’re still single, let them ponder the question on their own. Often times, when said aloud, it's a rhetorical question of frustration, not an invitation for you to list off the shortcomings of the asker.
We’re out here trying our best. We’re out here hoping that the everyday actions expected from any kind human will one day not be “goals to look for in a partner” but rather how we act consciously and expect others to act. We don’t expect extravagance, but we do hope for a little more than bare minimum Twitter sets out.
We live in a confusing society where one day, we’re told we’re too picky, and on another, we’re told to raise our standards high enough to demand self-respect.
Always remember your worth, have an open mind, and always be kind to others. That’s the best you can do. You attract what you’re ready for and if you set yourself up to be respected by actually having some sort of standard, you will find respect. And that is worth waiting for.
