Time works differently for college students. We don't measure our days in hours and minutes like the rest of the world. We measure them by asking, "how many classes away are we from being set free and getting to go back to being semi-functioning human beings, if only for a little while?" Well, that time is upon us. Spring Break is finally here, and if there's one thing all college kids can agree on, it's the stages of spring break.
Stage One: Loss of Focus
The stages of spring break start long before spring break actually does. You're physical being is in class, but your mind is elsewhere. It is day-dreaming of Pina Coladas on a beach in Maui, or if you're like most broke college students, a Mike's Hard in the kiddie pool you and your friends bought at Walmart for $9.97. Alas, you are stuck in that awful, hour and a half lecture. Your professors likely are just as ready for break to start as you are, but until then, you'll have to stick to day-dreaming.
Stage Two: Over-packing
Naturally, you wait until the night before at one in the morning to pack. On top of that, you stuff everything in that ratty old suitcase of yours that you could possibly ever need (but probably don't). Seven pairs of shoes? Pack them. "Fancy" dress for that "fancy" dinner you probably won't drag your butt out of bed to go to? Pack it. Sneakers you plan on wearing when you work out (lol you're not going to work out) in the morning? Pack them. Honestly, you're considering hiring a U-Haul.
Stage Three: Excitement
TODAY IS THE DAY. You're channeling your inner Troy Bolton and screaming the lyrics to "Breaking Free" because, baby, you're out of here! Nothing can stop you now. Whatever responsibilities you had before are just memories of a life long ago. You don't have a care in the world, and you're pretty sure you never will again. You are officially the unstoppable, invincible college student who can do anything. Nothing can stop you now, except the cop who pulled you over for going 80 in a 65. Apparently "because spring break" is not a good way to get out of a speeding ticket.
Stage Four: Mindless Eating
For you, you don't gain weight when you're at school (okay, you do, but that's not the point). It isn't until you're home that you really start to lose it with food. Your mom is feeling extra mom-ish whenever you're home, so of course she bought you all of your favorite foods in the hopes that you'll never leave her again. All of that time back at school spent studying? You are filling it now with time to eat everything in sight. Soon, a food coma is induced, but you are not sorry one bit.
Stage Five: The Great Netflix Binge of 2016
If you thought you watched too my TV before, wait until Spring Break. Before you know it, you've finished the first three seasons of "One Tree Hill", over a hundred episodes of "Friends", and the entire series of "Gossip Girl" -- and it's only day three. You're going to need to pace yourself, champ.
Stage Six: Boredom
You don't want to admit it, but it's starting to get a little -- gulp -- boring. You almost wish you had homework, just so you have something to do. No matter how much you want to deny it, you're missing that crappy dorm room and all of your friends from school. Plus, your parents keep making unwarranted comments about how lazy you are. Your dad compared you to a sloth just this morning. How rude!
Stage Seven: Denial
No. No. NO! What do you mean I have to go back to school tomorrow?! What the heck! It has not been a week, has it? Well, remember that thing called "college time"? Yeah, it applies to you when you're at home, too. You see, everything moves faster when you have zero responsibilities. It is a small price to pay for what little time you did have to get your sanity back. Whether you like it or not, all good things must come to an end.
Stage Eight: Reluctant Acceptance
Well, it was a good run. You'll never forget the endless nights (and days) spent in bed, or all of the laughs and tears you shared with your cat while watching "The Office." You will survive. Do not worry. For now, just accept that this is your life. Make peace with the sad, dark times ahead. Before you know it, summer will be right around the corner. Until then, Godspeed, my friend. Godspeed.
