The thoughts of all college students Thursday through Sunday are whether to party or stay in to Netflix and chill. We rarely hold our ground and we give in and go out, which sometimes we hungover-ly regret and other times we are satisfied we made the right decision.

Our thoughts before drinking are: 1. Did I eat today? 2. Did I eat enough? 3. Eh, I’ll be fine.

The next step is deciding if we want to be sophisticated and drink a bottle of wine or be wild and drink a bottle of whiskey. We flash back to our previous stages of drunkenness as we open each bottle and get a whiff of its intoxicating scent.

But how do you choose what to drink? You could stick to the cliché theory “beer before liquor never been sicker; liquor before beer, you’re in the clear,” or you could say “screw it, let’s mix.” Decisions, decisions.

You’re in luck. We have the stages of drunkenness for tequila, rum, beer, vodka, and wine to help you strategically plan your course of action.

First up, Tequila, otherwise known as Te-kill-ya

There is no better way to describe tequila than, 1 tequila, 2 tequila, 3 tequila, floor.

Stage one:

I don’t want to do this.

Stage two:

The warming sensation.

Stage three:

Where the heck are the limes?

Stage four:

Hold my (fill in the blank).

Stage five:

Clothes fall off.

Stage six:

Floor.

Next up, Rum

Stage one:

Walking in like…

Stage two:

Walking out like…

We got your brewski (beer):

Stage one:

Asking for a beer.

Stage two:

Bloated.

Stage three:

Am I drunk yet? Probably not.

Bring on the Vodka:

Stage one:

Where’s my chaser?

Stage two:

I love vodka. I love it so much.

Stage three:

Shots! Shots! Shots!

Stage four:

Dancing.

Stage five:

I can totally drink more.

Stage six:

Get. Me. Water. Now.

Saving the best drunk for last...Wine!

Stage one:

I'll just have one glass. Does a bottle count as a glass?

Stage two:

Talkative.

Stage three:

Emotions.

Stage four:

Bring out the camera for.....pictures!

Stage five:

Compliments.

Stage six:

Stalking your ex...and maybe (definitely) their new girlfriend.

Stage seven:

Food splurge.

Now the choice is yours. Drink responsibly and choose wisely. Cheers!