Like every other millennial, SpongeBob is the core of my childhood. Even as a 20-year-old, I could probably recite key quotes from any episode I watch. However, the older I get, the more I realize how sexual the show is (no wonder why I am the way I am). In honor of my childhood, here are the best lines that could double as dirty talk during your next booty call.
1. When bae tells you to spread your legs
— "I'm ready, I'm ready."
2. When you take your clothes off but still feel sexy AF
— "I'm ugly and I am proud."
3. When he wants head but you forgot the grapefruit
— "Firmly grasp it in your hand."
4. When they go down and you forgot that you haven't showered in two days
— “Do you smell it? That smell, the kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells... smelly.”
5. When he's riding you and he forgot to drink two liters of water and gets a cramp
— "My leg."
6. When bae teases you and have to stay strong and act cool till you get fucked
— "I don't need it... I NEED IT."
7. When he puts all of his weight on you when he is on top
— "Excuse me, sir, but you’re sitting on my body, which is also my face."
8. When the head is lacking so you give subtle hints on how you can improve
— "Technique!"
9. When bae hits that spot and you lose your fucking mind
— "Meenehoymeehoymehoynee!!!!!!"
10. When bae says to bring that ass over here
— "Bring it arounndddddd town."
11. When bae asks to take off your panties but you aren't wearing any
— "Well, I guess you are going to miss the panty raid...."
12. When bae tries to stick it in but you aren't ready to stop being dominated
— "Assertion... not INSERTION."
13. When geeky white boy whips out and you gasp because there is a 40-ounce in his pants
— "It was big, pink, and scarryyy."
14. When bae says where they are going to shove it and you forget everything but fine dining and breathing
— "LEEDLELEEDLELEEDLE"
15. When they kiss your neck and it makes you quiver but it tickles
*Cue SpongeBob Laughter*
16. When he says to get on your knees
— "If I am lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art."
17. When bae wants to role play
"I'm Dirty Dan."
Have fun, and make sure you wrap your Krabby Patty up.
