Like every other millennial, SpongeBob is the core of my childhood. Even as a 20-year-old, I could probably recite key quotes from any episode I watch. However, the older I get, the more I realize how sexual the show is (no wonder why I am the way I am). In honor of my childhood, here are the best lines that could double as dirty talk during your next booty call.
1. When bae tells you to spread your legs
— "I'm ready, I'm ready."
2. When you take your clothes off but still feel sexy AF
— "I'm ugly and I am proud."
3. When he wants head but you forgot the grapefruit
— "Firmly grasp it in your hand."
4. When they go down and you forgot that you haven't showered in two days
— “Do you smell it? That smell, the kind of smelly smell. A smelly smell that smells... smelly.”
5. When he's riding you and he forgot to drink two liters of water and gets a cramp
— "My leg."
6. When bae teases you and have to stay strong and act cool till you get fucked
— "I don't need it... I NEED IT."
7. When he puts all of his weight on you when he is on top
— "Excuse me, sir, but you’re sitting on my body, which is also my face."
8. When the head is lacking so you give subtle hints on how you can improve
9. When bae hits that spot and you lose your fucking mind
10. When bae says to bring that ass over here
— "Bring it arounndddddd town."
11. When bae asks to take off your panties but you aren't wearing any
— "Well, I guess you are going to miss the panty raid...."
12. When bae tries to stick it in but you aren't ready to stop being dominated
— "Assertion... not INSERTION."
13. When geeky white boy whips out and you gasp because there is a 40-ounce in his pants
— "It was big, pink, and scarryyy."
14. When bae says where they are going to shove it and you forget everything but fine dining and breathing
15. When they kiss your neck and it makes you quiver but it tickles
*Cue SpongeBob Laughter*
16. When he says to get on your knees
— "If I am lucky, Mr. Talent will rub his tentacles on my art."
17. When bae wants to role play
"I'm Dirty Dan."
Have fun, and make sure you wrap your Krabby Patty up.