“I feel like I’m in a hole and You are looking down at me asking ‘when are you getting out’. What?! When am I getting out? I can’t get out, I am stuck. You don’t just get out of holes, it’s not that simple. Maybe, if I had tried a little earlier then I could have, but now it is too late. I’ve dug too deep. I know that You want to talk to me and I know hear me. However, sometimes I stick dirt in my ears and claim I can’t hear you.

“It’s pretty crummy down here. There’s not much to do. I am closed in. To my left: a wall. To my right: a wall, in front & behind me: a wall. Nowhere to go but further down or so I’ve come to believe. The thing I wish I knew was why I started digging in the first place. And, why didn’t I stop? When my hands got tired and dirty, why didn’t I stop?

“I’ve thought about getting out of this hole. I really have. The problem is, it’s always dark when I think about it. So, I try and think but always end up lying down and drifting off to sleep. When I wake, I get frustrated at myself and end up digging a littler deeper. The cycle repeats itself. It is scary to think that I might never get out, that one day I will have dug so deep that I can’t see daylight. I want to get out, really, but I just don’t know how. It seems impossible. Too much for one person to do on their own”.

Any of this sound familiar? Of course I doubt many of us have been in an actual hole. However I would bet that most of us have felt like we were in spiritual holes. I recently got back from a trip from Rio de Janeiro. It was incredible and I did a lot of growing in Christ those two weeks. However the day I got back I didn’t get in the Word or journal, or pray. The next day I failed to do any of those things again. This continued for weeks after I got back. I am not proud of this but it is reality. When I tried to get back into the swing of things, it was awkward. In Brazil, I had just finished studying Psalm 119. Now, I didn’t know what to study. Did I continue in Psalm? Did I go to the New Testament? I didn’t know. I wanted my time in the Word to be worthwhile and not empty. When I tried to start praying again, it was like my mouth was glued shut. I didn’t have words to say. I knew that God wanted to have community with me but I felt like there was a wall.

I knew that in order to be effective on my campus and ministry that I needed to spending one-on-one time with God, but I just didn’t care. That sounds awful but I doubt I’m the only one who’s ever been there.

Just a few days ago, I wrote the passage above. I do some of my best thinking in writing. As I wrote it I felt better haha. I didn’t know how to finish it though. Writing this now, I know why. I still feel like I am in that hole. I am still falling asleep in the middle of my quiet time and finding myself at a lack of words in prayer. You know what though? That is okay. I am imperfect. God sees me. He knows how I feel. He knows me. He knows you. The thing is, this Christian life is never ever going to be easy and perfect. God never promised that. Some days are going to be easier than others but there is always going to be a struggle.

So don’t beat yourself up. God sees you in that hole you dug for yourself and guess what? You are never too far for Him to reach down and grab you out. You have to let Him though, God doesn’t want a bunch of robots worshipping Him. He wants you to WANT to give Him that worship and service. He’s not going to make you do anything you don’t want to. This is easier typed than said and done but: reach your arms up and ask God to get you out of that hole! No, you may not feel like you are out right away. There is still going to be awkwardness and you will still fail to be perfect, but push through. Read your Bible anyways, pray scripture if you can’t find the words yourself. Don’t let the devil win. God desires to spend time with you. He’s not mad at you for digging that ridiculous hole. He’s patiently waiting with open arms to start again to start anew with the same love He’s always has for you.

Get out of that hole my friend.