In a recent conversation with a friend of mine, she expressed how she feels alone in her struggles with finding a job, living life post-college, trying to figure out where she's meant to go in life, etc. She continued to express how she felt like the only person in her friend group that hadn't found their way in life. When I expressed that I felt the exact same way, she was shocked. She had no idea that someone else was feeling the same things she was. We continued to talk about how hard it is to express to someone that you don't have it all together because that wouldn't mean showing a sign of weakness. The more we talked, I came to a revelation of sorts: it's not that there is something wrong with us, there is something wrong with society.
Society has set clear expectations for marking success. You should graduate college and get a respectable job. You should make a decent salary and be able to support your spouse and children. You should own a car and a house. You should be financially stable. Society has no time for slackers or people who can't live up. As a result, we are trained not to talk about our shortcomings and instead highlight our successes to people. We are taught not to share our struggles, but rather pretend that we have it all together. We are trained to remove the emotion from our lives and simply carry on.
The problem isn't with us, it's with society. Imagine a society where it was okay to say, "Hey, I really don't know where I'm supposed to be heading with my life." and you would be greeted with a response of "It's okay, you're young and have plenty of time to figure it out," rather than, "You're 24, you should have a pretty good idea of what you want to do because your loans aren't going to pay themselves."
It's okay not to know what you want to do with your life. Most people don't, especially when they are young. Some people are in their 50s and they still haven't figured it out either. Rather than tell people what they want to hear, I encourage you to be honest with people. If you are struggling with something, share that. You don't have to have it all together all the time. You will be surprised at who in your life is going through something similar and can relate. If you share your struggles, I'm sure you will find that you really aren't as alone as you think you are.
There is a line in P.S. I Love You where Holly's mom is talking to her and she says, "So now, alone or not, you gotta walk ahead. The thing to remember is, if we're all alone, then we're all together in that too." In the moments where you feel as though you are alone in your struggling, reach out to your friends. Talk to them and tell them what's bothering you -- whether it be work, or a relationship, whatever it may be. When you go to family parties, don't go with your prepared speech of your successes over the last few months -- tell them that you really don't like your job, but you are hopeful that something better will come along or tell them that you really aren't sure what's next for you, but you're interested to see where life will take you. You will be surprised at how many people will say they are going through something similar. While we all think we struggle alone, we are alone together. I encourage you to have the courage to let people know what's going on in your life.
Life wasn't meant to be lived just for the good times. The rough times make the good times that much sweeter. Enjoy it all. Share it all. You are not alone.
