Southern belles are all around you. They are the ladies who say "yes ma'am" and "no sir" with a smile bigger than your best. They believe in the Good Lord and praise him every chance they get. The bigger the hair, the closer to God is written in their hearts and hairspray. Mom and dad are better referred to as momma and daddy, and Sundays are made for church, SEC football, home cooked food, and family. We are all a Southern belle no matter where we have been taken in life, so as you read, I hope you can find as many memories in my southern belle handbook as I have.
1. You grew up in the South and I'll be dammed if you aren't beyond proud of that.
You grew up with your cousins as your playmates and your grandma as your babysitter, if not older siblings. You learned to pee outside at a young age (and can still do it today with a little toilet paper). Cowboy boots and big t-shirts are how you dressed and hand-me-downs were something to be proud of. Growing up was a time of fun, mistakes, and lessons. You learned that nothing hurt as bad as a spanking from momma or getting hit on the wrists with whatever was nearby. You learned to always say "please," "thank you," and "excuse me" for everything offered and given to you. You learned to stand when your elders walked in the room and that hugs and kisses are something to be grateful for. And as my mom would say is most important, you learned to wait until everyone at the table was served to begin eating. You're proud of the way you were raised and honestly, you feel bad for people that weren't.
2. Southern women love southern men. Actually, everyone loves Southern men.
I mean have you ever seen "Sweet Home Alabama?" Obviously you have, it's only the greatest love story ever made. She couldn't even pick Patrick Dempsey because he was from the North, and he was a Democrat but that's a different story. From a young age, you had your eye on those good ole Southern boys. Since you could remember, they have been taking their hats off when they walk in the room, opening all doors for you with a smile, and never letting you walk by the street. Whether your parents set you up since birth or you met at the local festival, they walk you to your door after every date, and always a few minutes early for curfew.
3. Southern belles should never come off as being rude in public unless she's finishing a fight.
They never gossip, they simply speak their version of the truth followed by "God bless her heart" and a look every southern woman knows. When she needs something in public, she will simply act helpless and confused, because she knows too well that her charm is enough to get the job done. And although she may look helpless, every Southern belle is stronger than you'd expect, she just hides it until she needs it. You'll never find her in public with white shoes on after Labor Day or before Easter Sunday. And if you do, you'll call her tacky and bless her heart too. And you can promise me that she will never talk bad about someone to anyone she doesn't know because she knows all too well that everyone in the south is family to one another and you are sure to be offending someone's momma, great uncle, or twice removed second cousin.
4. There is nothing like home.
Southern belles may travel around and they may never come back to the south, but she will never forget where home is and the people who raised her. She will always love the feel of a front porch and a good rocking chair. Sweet tea may not be served in the North, but you can promise that your momma has some in the fridge at home. You'll always talk a little slower than the rest, but as Jake told us in "Sweet Home Alabama," "Honey, just because I talk slow doesn't mean I'm stupid." You know that your grandma's cooking is the smell of home -- so is the cow manure -- but if it didn't take all day to cook, I don't want it. And every Southern belle knows that pearls always always always match any and all outfits.
God bless, may the lightning bugs send you some good lovin', and give your momma some sugar for me.
