A familiar song has been stuck in my head recently. I find myself humming it at work, blasting it in the car, and allowing it to pulse through my headphones as I water the plants in my backyard.
You can't always get what you want...
But if you try, sometimes, you might find
You get what you need.
This Rolling Stones anthem is by no means new, but is timeless in every sense of the word. When I listen to this song, I think of all of the times when I didn't get what I wanted, and how I would never have become the same person I am today if I had.
I watched an interview once, with Lisa Kudrow, who played Phoebe Buffay on Friends. In it, she spoke of how she was originally hired to play Roz on the Cheers spinoff Frazier, but was subsequently fired. She recalled how heartbroken she had been. In the same breath, looking back in hindsight, she realized that had she not lost her role on Frazier, she would have never gotten to become a part of the cast of Friends.
When I was in high school, I was heartbroken when I did not receive an opportunity that I thought that I deserved. I ruthlessly beat up on myself wondering what I could have done differently to cause others to realize how hard I'd worked, the strides I'd made, how worthy I was... to no avail. Eventually, I began to seek solace in literary quotes and sayings as I usually do, and came across The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.
In it, she spoke of a time that she'd gunned for a job as an Editor of the Yale Law Journal, and received advice from her mother.
This is when I began to realize that there is a difference between what we want and what we deserve...and spoiler alert, we don't always get everything we want or even everything we deserve. This didn't make me any less qualified for what I wanted or deserved, it just meant that what I'd sought after just wasn't currently in the cards. This is a phenomenon that everyone experiences once in a while, I assume.
I didn't get everything I wanted or deserved in my life. Instead, sometimes I got some life lessons that I didn't necessarily want, but never knew I really needed.
You can be blinded by what you want ... if you want someone or something enough you tend to lose perspective. You might zero into what you want or what you believe you deserve so much that it becomes the only thing you see, the only thing that seems important.
The truly important thing to remember that, most likely, it's not. Life is uncontrollable, thrilling, unpredictable, and unfair... and if you look at the big picture, it's endlessly beautiful. So, no, I have not gotten everything that I wanted or deserved out of my life. Nor will I ever.
In the same breath, I think that this has led me to some great people, amazing places and wonderful opportunities. I am excited to for the future, and in an ironic twist, can't wait to forgo what I want or deserve in pursuit of what I need.
And for that hope, and opportunity I am endlessly grateful.
Peace.
-Sarah
